Afterward, he came down on top of her, aware as always of how much bigger than her he was, but unable to move. Not yet. Not when it felt so damned good to be with her this way. He wasn’t ready to let go of the small taste of heaven, to return to the nightmare in progress.

In the gray afternoon light, lying in the arms of the woman he loved, his son asleep across the hall, Gonzo found a small measure of acceptance. His partner was gone. No amount of wishing or hoping or begging would ever change that simple fact, and nothing he could do would ever bring him back. For whatever reason he’d been spared, and it would be up to him to live for both of them.

He would never forget the young, earnest, smart, eager, often-annoying, but incredibly sweet man who’d taken a shot that technically should’ve killed Gonzo. Intellectually, he knew it wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t pulled the trigger to fire the bullet that killed his partner. But emotionally... He would always blame himself for putting Arnold in the position that had led to his death, and somehow he had to find a way to live with that.

“What’re you thinking about, Tommy?”

“I’m thinking about acceptance and finding a way to go on that honors my partner rather than disappoints him.”

“You could never disappoint him. He worshipped you.”

“It would disappoint him if I let his death ruin my life, if I quit a job I used to love because he was killed, if I became a drunk or worse. Any of that would disappoint him.”

“You could never be or do any of those things.”

“I don’t know... I was well on my way to all of them before the coffee table shattered and woke me up to what really matters.”

“And what’s that?”

He turned them over so she was on top of him and ran his hand down her back. “You, Alex, our family, my squad. The people I love, the people who love me. That’s what matters.”

She lifted her head off his chest to look him in the eye. “You matter, Tommy. You matter so much to all of us.” Leaning forward, she kissed him softly. “It’s nice to have you back.”

“We’d been talking about getting married before everything happened.”

“We’ll get there. When the time is right, it’ll happen.” Hands propped on his chest, she sat up and began to move her hips, which was all it took to restart his motor. “The first time only took fifteen of our ninety minutes. How about we see how much we can get done in our remaining seventy-five minutes?”

The sexy gleam in her eye made him smile even as he realized how close he’d come to losing her. “I’m down for that.”

* * *