“Including your own car?” Gonzo asked with a ghost of a smile that filled Malone with an unreasonable amount of hope. If he could make a joke, maybe he might actually survive the loss of his partner.

“That’s hilarious. Ha. Ha. Actually, he meant other cars, and it turns out he was right. It took six or eight months, but I didn’t jump out of my skin every time I heard a loud noise anymore.”

“I was in a high-speed crash when I was in Patrol,” Malone said. “Rolled over three times, busted a couple of ribs and my collarbone. Took me a year before I could drive over fifty miles an hour, which made it tough for me to do my job. My partner did all the driving for a while, but anytime we had to chase, I’d close my eyes and break into a cold sweat until it was over. Every damned time, I expected the car to roll over.” He could still remember the sickening fear that made him feel weak and ineffective.

“I’ve never heard you were in a crash,” Cruz said.

“Was a long time ago. More than twenty years. You never forget it, but you do figure out a way to cope.” He fixed his gaze on Gonzo. “In time.”

“I’m sensing a theme here,” Gonzo said with a small grin. “I hear what you’re saying—what everyone is saying. I’m not planning any hasty decisions. I’m only thinking more and more about the possibility of doing something else, not acting on it.”

“I don’t think you’re alone in that after what happened,” Cruz said.

“What do you know?” Malone asked.

“Tyrone,” Cruz said somewhat reluctantly. “He’s not taking Arnold’s death well at all—not that any of us are—but he’s... He’s messed up over it.”

“I’ll ask Trulo to talk to him,” Malone said.

“I think he already has,” Cruz said. “I shouldn’t even be saying anything because he confided in me, but I’m worried about him.”

“You absolutely should say something,” Malone said. “We can’t help him if we don’t know he’s having trouble.”

“Still... I don’t want him to think I came running to you.”

Malone understood where he was coming from. “I got ya. I’ll keep an eye on him.” He leaned forward, elbows on the desk. “The loss of Arnold was a blow to all of us. I remember vividly how devastated everyone was, myself included, when Steven Coyne was killed in a similar fashion, and I hadn’t worked that closely with him. Everyone felt it, just like we all feel the loss of Arnold. It’s a horrible reminder that we put ourselves on the line every day out there.”

“And most of the time, no one gives a shit,” Gonzo said.