And, thankfully, the guy who was riding with us from the radio station just socked her in the face. LOL. Like, it was some Street Fighter shit. He just shot his arm out and then, boom, she was out. But that really shook us all up. It took me a long time before I was even comfortable playing in Australia again.

So that’s when Curt and Patrick came on board. At the beginning there was this other guy Steve too, but I had to let him go. I can’t talk about the reason I fired him because we both signed this nondisclosure thing, but whatever. Dude was a fuck-face. Let’s just leave it at that.

Curt and Patrick and Mo, on the other hand, are the real fucking deal. Mo got hired after Steve was gone. It was only once those dudes came into my life that I realized what it did to me, you know, being an only child.

I remember at his job interview, Patrick was wearing this pro-wrestling shirt, and, you know, I think he was expecting to show up and I was gonna be this like, “girly-boy pop star” or whatever. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. If you’re a girly-boy, be a girly-boy, that’s cool. But I saw Patrick’s shirt, and it had the Bones on it, and I was like: YOOOO, it’s the Bones! And he was like: Whoa, bro, you watch Thursday Night Mayhem? And I was like: Of course! BONE CRUSHER! And he just, like, picked me up right there in the middle of the interview and did the move on me, and my parents were looking at us like: What. The. Fuck. But I said on the spot, like: This guy’s on the team. I want this guy protecting me.

And more than a lot of people in my life, Patrick’s just been there for me when shit was tough. I mean, Patrick’s this enormous dude, and like, he used to crawl around in the desert in Afghanistan shooting Al Qaeda guys or whatever, but he’s an amazing listener. He’s actually just such a sweet guy. And he sacrifices so much to be with me. He’s got a wife and a daughter, and they hang around every once in a while—Gloria’s awesome, and Amelia is like, the cutest little baby I’ve ever seen—but for most of his life, Patrick’s just hanging out with me, watching my back. He’s there at every concert, standing by the base of the stage, scanning the whole place with his eyes, looking out for trouble. And when it counts, he’s there. Not just with the protection, but like, with his friendship.

I mean, I told you about the scene at the airport when I found out my dad was dead. Curt and Patrick and Mo just rushed me the fuck out of there. I don’t even know how they were able to do it so fast: They just got me right into the car, and we were on the road. They knew that like, I wouldn’t want any cameras seeing me crying, and so it was just like, their adrenaline kicked in, and they made sure that everything that needed to happen happened. I mean, I guess that’s the benefit of hiring all these military guys and sports guys is that they know how to perform under pressure. They make the impossible possible.