I just wish people would greet things with curiosity and openness instead of always with judgment, you know? Because it would be dope if people would admit sometimes that they don’t know anything about anything. It feels so fucking amazing to admit that you’re a total fucking idiot, because, like, we can’t even understand what’s going on in our own hearts, you know? We can’t even understand how our own minds work. And now you’ve got something to say about global politics? Now you’ve got something to say about the structure of the universe? Sit down, bro. No one’s asking you.

That was always the main problem with my dad, you know? He just couldn’t admit the limits of his own understanding. Having even a little bit of success at all was the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to him, because, like, he didn’t have it in him to be flexible. He didn’t have it in him to assess the new situation and change. And that’s what’s required if you want to stay in the game. That’s what you’ve gotta do if you wanna stick around. I mean, sure, yeah, it’s great to have a plan, and like, it’s great to think things through really far before you get going, but once you’re out in the world, like, once the train is moving, it’s just not yours anymore, you know? You can write an amazing TV show, and like, you can have all these plans for the whole series, but if everyone’s like: Oh my god, we love this character, oh my god, we’re gonna make all these memes about him, and you were planning on killing him off at the end of season one, that’s just not an option anymore. You’re not allowed to kill him. And you’ve gotta get to a place in your mind where, like, that’s dope, you know what I’m saying? You’ve gotta fully embrace the influence and be happy about it and realize that your life doesn’t just belong to you anymore: You’re collaborating on it with the world.

But for some people, that kind of attitude just isn’t possible, and I think, unfortunately, my dad was one of those people.

After that blowup at my parents’ house, I didn’t talk to him for a while. I would go and visit my mom, but whenever I’d show up over there, my dad would be gone, like, nowhere to be found, and I’d ask my mom, like: Yo, what’s up? Where is he? And she’d just be like: He needs some time. He’s in a very rough place right now.

We were both still really mad at each other. My mom was trying to repair things between us—like, she kept trying to get us in the same room or like, organize a family meeting or whatever—but I was really busy, and my dad was really mad, and so we would always find excuses to avoid each other.

My mom started this email thread with the three of us called “Family,” and she sent us this long email being like: Guys, come on, you’re father and son, you love each other, you built this beautiful thing together: Why can’t you just make up? But whenever my dad would write on the thread, it was really short and kind of rude. He’d say he was interested in us all getting together, and he’d propose a time that worked for him, and then I’d be like: Sorry, I gotta do an interview at that time. Can we do this day instead? And then he just wouldn’t respond.