And I thought about it, and then I was just like: Nothing.

LOL.

Nothing.

After my song with Deez dropped, my whole shit basically changed. You know, I had gone from being a kid entertainer to being, like, an entertainer who happened to be fifteen. People were still adjusting themselves to it—it’s not like there was this instant realignment in how people thought of me—but I could feel it in myself, you know, and that’s what mattered. I was beginning to feel like an artist—like, a full-on artist—not just this kid who showed up for interviews and video shoots, but a full-blown artist with something to say.

And, meanwhile, my dad was feeling, like, obviously really shitty about the whole thing. I mean, first of all, I had just done this shit without even telling him, you know, like, he didn’t even know the song existed, and now all his careful plans for how he was going to roll out the next phase of my image were just totally shot. He just thought I was making, like, the biggest mistake of my career—he was so locked into the idea that he had it all figured out—and so he was convinced that this new sound was gonna be the worst possible thing that could happen to us. And then it only got worse when he realized that people were loving it.

At first people were sort of going like: Oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening, oh my god, this is so crazy, and it was unclear if they were like, making fun of it or if they really dug it, but Deez and I kind of knew that whatever they were feeling, it was good. Even if they didn’t know it yet, they were slowly adjusting themselves to the new reality we had set up for them. And eventually, like, in a matter of weeks, it was clear just from the way people were talking about it that like, they actually thought the song was dope and they actually understood that I was becoming a different artist from the one they thought they already knew, and once that happened, my dad was like done, you know? He was really embarrassed and bitter.

The way I saw it, I was saving him a lot of embarrassment, because if we had actually gone through with his plans—like, if we had actually released the album he wanted to release—it would have come out, and people would’ve thought it was lame or just, you know, kind of unremarkable, and then that would be that. We wouldn’t be done, necessarily, but like, we definitely wouldn’t be in a good position to capitalize on all the good vibes we had from the first album. But I think in his mind, like, he would’ve rather failed and still be the driving force behind the thing than succeeded and not have a say. It was just so clear from the way he reacted to everything that what ultimately mattered to him was control. And I kept telling him, like: This is dope, Dad! This song is blowing up. We’re killing it. But he was just like: There is no WE. You’ve decided that I’m not part of the team anymore. And that was really fucking hurtful, to be honest.