She found it hard to talk to anyone, but she was sure she’d be able to talk to Aiden. He’d understand what she was going through. He always understood. They’d always been able to talk about anything and everything, maybe because they weren’t bogged down in the day-to-day detail of each other’s lives. There was something about rigging a boat on the lake and scrambling up craggy slopes that made talking natural and easy. She wished they lived closer. At the end of every summer they made the same promises to stay in touch but then life came in like the tide and washed away their good intentions. They were sucked into their own lives and the only news she had of him was what she saw popping up on social media, and everyone knew that was mostly fake. Aunt Clare had flown over for the funeral of course, and hugged Izzy so tightly she’d thought her bones would crack. She’d read a poem and talked about the importance of friendship. She’d looked terrible; pale and exhausted, her voice faltering as she’d spoken the words but Izzy knew she’d looked terrible, too. She’d been using every last ounce of energy to hold it together and hadn’t said much to Clare.

Now, she wished she had. She wished she’d ask if their summer would be the same as it always had been. She’d just assumed, and the promise of a summer at Lake Lodge had been like a blanket warming her on a cold night. She wanted to feel the grass under her bare feet as she ran down toward the water’s edge. She wanted to feel the breeze on her face early in the morning, and dip her limbs in the cool, clear water. Lake Lodge was the perfect summer retreat, a place she associated with happy times. Would it be weird without her mother there? Probably, but she loved it so much she thought it would probably be okay. Maybe she should email Aunt Clare, just to be sure.

Her friends were looking at her, waiting for cues.

Charlie gave an awkward shrug. “It must be weird, but I guess it’s great, really, that he’s happy.”

Because she’d been thinking about Aiden it took a minute for her to realize they were talking about her dad.

They were basically saying she was selfish. That her feelings were all about her, when they should be about him.

Izzy felt more alone than she ever had in her life before.

She wanted her dad to be happy, of course she did, but what if his happiness meant hell for the rest of them? She didn’t want him to be with Flora. She didn’t want him to be with any woman. So what did that make her?

A bad person. She was a bad daughter. A bad friend.

Bad.