Even though it had been over a year since things ended, it still felt like a stab to Erin’s heart every time she thought about her ex, Bianca. She should  be over her by now, but how could she move on after everything they’d been through? It was almost what should have been their five-year wedding anniversary. In just a few months, it would be the ten-year anniversary of when they started dating. At least, it would have been, if Bianca hadn’t left Erin as if she were nothing.

The worst part was that Erin never saw it coming. From the time they met at a beach bar just a few weeks after graduating from college, they had been inseparable. When Bianca asked Erin to be her girlfriend two months later, Erin already had no doubt that she was the one. If she really studied their relationship (which she had about a million times), things started going downhill after Nolan was born. They both wanted kids, at least that was the impression Erin had. Sure, Bianca was never quite as excited about the prospect of having children as Erin had been. Thinking about their future family didn’t keep her up at night, but she seemed happy to contribute her eggs as long as Erin was the one to carry the baby (something she had always looked forward to anyway).

The first year felt like a fairytale to Erin and it really seemed like they were the perfect family, but looking back, she was living in a dream world. She was seeing what she wanted to see, not what was actually going on around her. Throughout that first year, Bianca became more and more distant. She chose friends over her family, and by the time Nolan was two, she sometimes disappeared for a week at a time. Erin let her have her space, because she figured that was what she needed. She would give Bianca time, and eventually she’d come back to Erin. She’d come back to them . It’s not like they fought. But looking back, that was only because Bianca didn’t care enough to fight.

Exactly three months to the day after Nolan turned two, Bianca told Erin she was leaving. When will you be back? Erin had asked naively.

That was when Bianca said the words that finally broke her. “I’m not coming back. This isn’t  the life I wanted. I can’t do it anymore.”

Erin wanted to ask why Bianca had never told her that before. She wanted to beg Bianca to stay and tell her they’d find a way to make it work. But she didn’t, because what was the point of fighting for someone who wasn’t going to fight for you in return?

The first few months after Bianca left, it killed Erin when Nolan would ask, “Where Mama?”