“That has nothing to do with this. But no.” She thought about picking up her cold tea, but she was afraid her hands weren’t steady enough. “This is personal, Nick. I’m the one who screwed up by blurring the lines. I knew better. There’s no excuse.” Inhaling deeply, she linked her fingers in her lap. “What happened between Zack and me wasn’t planned, and it certainly wasn’t professional.”

He gave a quick snort. “Now you’re going to tell me you couldn’t help yourself.”

“No,” she said quietly. “I could have. There’s always a choice. I didn’t want to help myself.”

Her answer, and the tone of it, had him frowning. He’d been certain she would try to find an easy way out. “So, you chose him.”

“What happened was immediate, and maybe a little overwhelming…” She wasn’t certain there were words to describe what had happened between her and Zack. “In any case, I could have stopped it. Or at least postponed it. I didn’t, and that fault lies with me. The fact that we were both your guardians made it a poor call, but—” She shook her head. “No buts. It was a poor call.” Her eyes met his, pleaded for trust. “We never thought of you as poor or pathetic. We never laughed at you. Whatever you think of me, don’t let it ruin what you’ve started to get back with Zack.”

“He moved in on me.”

“Nick.” Her voice held both patience and compassion. “He didn’t. You know he didn’t.”

He did know, wondered if he had always known, that his relationship with Rachel had never been anything more than a fantasy. But knowing it didn’t ease the raw wounds of rejection.

“I cared about you.”

“I know.” Her eyes filled again, and spilled over before she could prevent it. “I’m sorry.”

“God, Rachel. Don’t.” He didn’t think he could stand it. First he’d terrified her, and now he was making her cry. “Don’t do that.”

“I won’t.” But as quickly as she swiped at the tears, more fell. “I just feel so lousy about it all. When I look back, I can see a dozen ways I should’ve handled things. I’m usually in control.” Her breath hitched as she fought for composure. “I hate, I really hate, that I’ve come between the two of you.”

“Hey, come on.” He was totally at a loss. When he rose to cross to her, he was surprised he didn’t leave a trail of slime on her rug. “Listen, take it easy, okay?” He patted her shoulder awkwardly. “I’ve been dumped before.”

All that did was force her to fumble in the pocket of her robe for a tissue. “Don’t hate him because of this.”

“Don’t ask for miracles.”

“Oh, Nick, if you could only see through all the mistakes to what you mean to him.”