Ah, Nancy, I should not talk about these things. Amy’s marriage to David has gone bad—already the milk has soured. They fight all the time and even though she does not say, I suspect he beats her. Even if he doesn’t hit her, his emotional abuse is constant. When I see her eyes heavy with dried tears, I can’t help but think back to how happy she was with Matt. I hope my saying so does not hurt you. I still think of your son every day. God bless you for having brought him into the world-so that he could have been in our lives at least for a time. My prayers are with you constantly.

Yours, John

Matt logged off and shut down his computer. For a long time he sat staring at the blank screen. It made no difference, he told himself.

He packed his car and drove toward Los Angeles.

WHEN HE jumped from the plane, he estimated his altitude at two thousand feet. In the absence of clouds, the wisest strategy would have dictated that he open his parachute early so that he could leisurely maneuver toward the boat. But more time in the sky was not an advantage when he couldn’t see where he was going. It even posed a risk, since he was more likely to drift farther from the boat with his chute open than closed.

Still, as he fell from the plane into the low-lying clouds, he knew all the plans and calculations in the world wouldn’t help if he panicked and didn’t get the chute open at all. So in the end he let himself fall only a few seconds before he pulled the ripcord.

The parachute expanded and he hovered in a bardos-like realm. He had already lost sight of the plane. For a frantic minute all he could see were his feet. From his brief low skim over the sea, he knew he should come clear of the cloud cover at five hundred feet. That would give him scant time to reach the boat if it was more than two hundred yards away. He wondered how long he could swim in the cold water. Already he was cold. The moist February night sent shivers through to his bones. Damnit, he should have put on that wet suit!

Finally, he got a break. When he emerged from the clouds, the flashing red-and-white lights of the boat were almost directly beneath him. The relief he felt in that instant was immense. For a long time it had seemed as if the universe was bent on screwing him. He hardly had to turn to align himself toward the deck.