Yet there was an element to the path he had chosen that made stopping halfway difficult. He had sacrificed more than the loss of his personal identity when he had leapt from the plane. In a sense, he had put justice on trial that night. He had jumped to correct a wrong. He had to stick with his plan to achieve balance—for himself as well as Amy. Perhaps he was old-fashioned—an eye-for-an-eye misfit—but he truly felt it was immoral that Amy not be paid back for what she had done to him.

Of course, that was all bullshit. He was better but he was not well. He could not think of her without experiencing a sick mixture of love and hate. The former somehow gave the latter strength. When it came down to it, he still wanted to hurt her. And hurt her he would, beyond her wildest imagination.

He got out of bed and showered—cold water, all his trailer had to offer. He put on oatmeal and—while waiting for it to cook—logged onto America Online. He knew his mother’s screen name and password. In the last few months he had tapped into her e-mail several times. Two weeks after his plane had gone down, she had received an e-mail from Amy’s father. An e-mail he had printed out and read numerous times. He read it once more before he checked for new mail.

Dear Nancy,

I am sorry I did not have a chance to speak to you at your son’s memorial. There were so many people around, I hesitated to intrude on your grief. Also, I was not sure if you wanted to talk to me after what Amy did to Matt. It is a grim task to apologize for a daughter but I will try as best I can. Matt was a fine young man: kind and caring, honest and noble. What Amy did was unforgivable. Even after all this time, I have been unable to accept or even understand her actions. But in her defense I must say she struggled with inner demons. When she chose David over Matt, a part of me died inside. I know David and he is no good. But I suppose that’s a lesson Amy must learn for herself.

You must have noticed Amy was not present at the memorial. She wanted very much to come, but we both agreed it might agitate you and other close friends of Matt’s. When she received the news of your son’s death, I can honestly say she was devastated. Perhaps it was not until then she realized how much Matt meant to her. That’s another sad testament to my daughter’s character, but I think the realization was better late than never. Even though pregnant, she was unable to eat for a week. Many times she told me how perfect Matt had been.