A kitchen is run like an army; in fact, they call it a brigade system. The chef de cuisine (‘Yes, chef!’) is the general; his second-in-command is the sous chef; and then there are chefs des parties, who are responsible for individual workstations. Somewhere way down at the bottom of that organisational chart is something called a plongeur – as in, dishwasher. That’s what I was doing. In a major restaurant there would be a bunch more positions, but all we had in this mini-brigade was the chef (‘Yes, chef!’) Roger, who had been in the navy and swore like a sailor, too, and then Bridget, who was his second and did everything else other than swear.

Yes, I knew the system. This was, obviously, not my first dishwashing gig.

Amazing thing was, what little they cooked was pretty great. I’d gotten hired to fetch, carry and clean, and since I had a valid state-issued ID, they were overjoyed (and surprised). Technically I couldn’t drink in a place like this, but I got free meals to make up for it. And Bridget was a cute, motherly type. I’d already made friends with the bouncer, Pete, a short, muscular type who casually mentioned that he powerlifted with an eye to making the Olympic team someday. Damn.

What worried me, though, was the bartender. Her name was Jesse, and she was a stunning knockout redhead in tight leather. I’m usually all in favour of that, from a purely scenic standpoint, but there was something about her that set off alarms – Morganville-type alarms. I’d convinced myself that I was being paranoid, but I found myself still wondering about her over the course of the two days I’d been working at Florey’s. Pete was one of those laconic types who didn’t say much about other people, but he’d finally given up that Jesse had drifted into town a few years back and was one hell of a good bartender; she knew how to cut people off when they had too much, and get them out the door without trouble, which in his opinion was ninety per cent of a good bartender’s job.

In other words, he didn’t much like to exert himself. I approved of this. A bouncer’s worth isn’t how much he flexes his muscles, but how rarely he has to. It’s the security guys who are always looking for a fight that cause trouble.

This is why I did not get hired to be a bouncer. I knew better than to apply.