Back Fake Like Me Save as PDF
Chapters (42)
  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Dedication
  4. Carey Logan Retrospective Coming to Young Museum
  5. 1996
  6. Chapter One
  7. 2011
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Prudence
  10. Chapter Three
  11. Chapter Four
  12. Chapter Five
  13. Chapter Six
  14. Humility
  15. Chapter Seven
  16. Chapter Eight
  17. Chapter Nine
  18. Chapter Ten
  19. Chapter Eleven
  20. Chapter Twelve
  21. Chapter Thirteen
  22. Chapter Fourteen
  23. Chapter Fifteen
  24. Chapter Sixteen
  25. Chastity
  26. Chapter Seventeen
  27. Modesty & Temperance
  28. Chapter Eighteen
  29. Purity & Obedience
  30. Chapter Nineteen
  31. Chapter Twenty
  32. Chapter Twenty-One
  33. Chapter Twenty-Two
  34. Chapter Twenty-Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Four
  36. One Year Later
  37. Chapter Twenty-Five
  38. Acknowledgments
  39. Discover Barbara Bourland
  40. About the Author
  41. Also by Barbara Bourland
  42. Reading Group Guide

“These were Carey’s,” I said without thinking, reaching for it. But it was too high for me to grasp. I glanced around, checking for film canisters. There were only shining red bodies.

“Uh…yeah,” he said, surprised. “How’d you, uh, know that?”

“They’re the hands in Max’s house.”

“Oh—of course. Yes. Only the organs are mine.” He turned abruptly and ushered me back into the studio. I brushed past him. Our shoulders touched, and once again I felt a liquid blush travel from the center of my body to the ends of my fingers and toes.

“I thought you sold the real organs, covered in metal—not copies.”

“I do. I still make a mold first. They don’t all survive the process.”

He moved a propane torch to the side and set his gloves in front of an empty ceramic crucible.

“Careful. It’s still hot,” he said, gesturing to the crucible.

“It’s empty,” I noticed. “What did you make?”

He pointed to a long sand mold, running the whole back of the table where molten aluminum shimmered like mercury in a long, skinny line, five or six feet of it. I peered at it but didn’t understand.

“What is it?”

“It’s a brush. Well, it’s a brush-holder, like a cigarette holder. When I was in Vilnius, we visited a studio outside of town where they were painting the sets for an opera at Bregenz. They stood above the fabric and used these long sticks with brushes on the end. I don’t know if you’ll use it, but I wanted to make it. It’s a rod, essentially. Lightweight. And I put your name on the end.”

“Thank—thank you.” I stammered. “That—that’s incredibly kind of you.”

He leaned, pointing at the end of it, grazing the edge of my arm.

“It’s on the bottom side of the mold. It should be okay to take out tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” I said, one more time. He glanced at me over his shoulder, and I smiled, wondering, in the back of my mind, if he had done this for Carey.

“It’s nothing. I like to make stuff,” he said with a shrug. Nervously, he cleared a stack of metal scraps from a chair and gestured for me to sit. I looked down at it and frowned, then hopped up onto a clear spot on the opposite workbench. Sitting like this I was tall, almost even with him.

“What have you been doing with yourself?” he asked. Sweat beaded on his forehead.

“Work,” I replied. “Only work.”

“I felt badly, leaving you.” He looked at me—and I looked back. The air grew thick between us, humid and dense in the way that a car window fogs up if you sit and talk for too long after killing the engine.

“You missed me,” I tried to joke, my words tripping over each other again.