"So?"

"So…that is a stupidly slow song. That does not really set the mood either." I answered.

"Maybe it is because it reminds you of Titanic." She landed the blow in her sweet as honey voice "Did you cry at that movie too?"

"It was my allergies."

"Sure." She let out a small giggle "You know I really hope you unleash your inner romantic one day."

"Never!" I gasped like the idea was ludicrous while sticking my arms in front of me as if love was going to sucker punch me in the face.

"Ella," My best friend sighed "I am pretty certain that if you met the love of your life on this very pier tonight, you would run away from him."

I dismissed the idea entirely "It is a good thing I am not planning on meeting Prince Charming tonight."

I did not let many people in. I did not let anyone get close enough to do that. I had trained myself to be talkative so that it covered up the anxiety I had of socialising.

Smiling large enough and telling people over and over again what they wanted to hear was how to avoid suspicion.

Lana tilted her head slightly and mentioned the song choice of the pier again "My Heart Will Go On is a good song."

"For a funeral, Lana." I deadpanned before adding "To think you are meant to be the musical one of us."

The blonde girl tutted "Well, it is a good thing that you are dressed for a funeral."

My eyes fell to the edge of the pier where the railing was the only thing stopping someone from falling into the ocean below.

Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. Everything apart from chest that was moving erratically.

Our walk to the hook-a-duck stall felt like the longest walk of my life as I tried to keep my gaze on anything but the ocean below.

"Ella?" Lana's voice was no longer teasing, and it had been replaced with a soft tone as she spoke "You would tell me if you were not alright. Wouldn't you?"

I nodded once and I painted a smile on my face. I knew that if I spoke then it would be very possible that I would be sick.

The answer to her question flashed in my mind. Like a big neon sign. It was brighter than any other light on the pier.

I was not ready to talk about it. I was not ready to talk about my mother at all.

All I wanted was for this night to be carefree. I did not want it to take a full one-eighty.

One thing that nobody could call me was a buzzkill.

"I am fine." I voiced the same words I had told her for the last year "You don't have to worry about me."

She searched my face looking for any sign of lying. I held eye-contact with her and counted to three to try and make it convincing