The next thing I noticed was my father's appearance. His hair was longer than I had seen it last, and a generous beard had grown where it was once clean cut. His eyes were droopy, and his head swayed backwards and forwards like he could not keep conscious.

I laid a hand on his shoulder "Dad?"

My contact startled him, but he did not fully open his eyes. A small mumble came from him "Ella?"

"Yeah. It is me." I confirmed softly before patting his arm again "What are you doing in here? Let’s go inside."

A whimper came from him, and his head started to get closer to the steering wheel "I tried to help her. I tried to save her."

"Who?" I questioned while trying to pull his head back away from the wheel "Who did you try to save?"

He answered the name of my mother "Lauren."

"Dad, we should go inside and talk."

"She was so unhappy. It was all my fault. I was never enough for her." My father cried.

Putting my hand under his chin and pushing him so his head rested on the car seat, I reassure him "Mom loved you. We do not know why she did what she did, but I do know that for certain."

His eyes opened fully at my words, and he studied my face for a while before speaking again "You look like her. You have her big eyes and freckles."

"I have your eyes." I argued with a soft laugh.

My father shook his head and hiccupped "You have her shape of eyes. Big doe eyes. You got that boring brown colour from me."

"Thanks for that." I remarked with a laugh.

His whole body shook as he whispered, "I miss her."

"I do too."

My face was still the centre of his attention. All humour and lightness from the conversation was gone. He looked sad. Almost lost. Another hiccup and he nodded his head to himself.

His hand went forward, and he turned the keys to start the engine while sighing "I need a drink."

With the smell of strong booze still filling the small car, I reached for the door handle and clutched it tightly, but I did not pull it.

My hand lingered there as I pleaded "Dad, please get out of the car. You are drunk."

"Not drunk enough."

My voice shook but I managed to get my full scream out "Please. You can’t drive."

He did not hear me. He only switched the gears of my car.

"Please." I screamed again and it hurt my throat "Get out of the car."

Silence was all that came from him.

I tried one last time to plead with him "Please get out of the car."

Defeat. That was all I felt. Everything else was numb. I had lost my mother and I could not lose him too.