Turns out Dale Foster has more adult magazines hidden under his mattress than Huey has in his entire store. There they are, dozens of magazines strewn across the box spring, some in black and white, others in glossy color, all recent publications. And I have to give Big Dale some credit, because the quality of most of these magazines is far superior to that of Michigan Cherries.

Tank slides the mattress gently off to the side and walks over to me. We stand side by side and stare at the collection for a few moments.

“This is impressive,” I say.

“Tell me about it.”

“How’d you find it?”

“Snoop around long enough, eventually you find stuff.”

“I still don’t get why he just doesn’t look at it online.”

“Dude, I told you,” Tank says. “He doesn’t trust computers. He’s busted a lot of people who use them to break the law, so he knows how easy it is to track people down online. It’s like he’s being paranoid and smart at the same time.”

“I recognize a lot of these covers from the store. They’re all new.”

“What can I say? The old man keeps an updated library.” Tank shrugs. “The girls are hot, Zach.”

“I know,” I say. “So, what’s your dad do with all these?”

“I’d rather not think about that.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, wasn’t thinking.” Pause. “Hey, how’d you feel when you first found these? I mean, with Michigan Cherries it was no big deal, you know, because it was just one magazine, but I think I’d be a little pissed if I knew my dad was looking at all this stuff.”

“Guess I didn’t feel anything. A little surprised maybe, but my dad’s not married. If he was married I’d probably be pissed about the whole thing.” He pauses. “What about you? You ever sneak through your parents’ room?”

“No. And after seeing this I don’t think I want to.”

There’s a long silence during which I find it interesting that neither of us reaches for a magazine. I mean, in a way, it’s like all the hot women we’ve ever wanted are right here before our eyes—well, at least on paper, anyway—but we’re both a bit too freaked to take a closer look.

“You know,” Tank says, “I was wrong a second ago, when I told you I didn’t feel anything.” He crosses back to replace the mattress. “I was actually kind of relieved.”

“Relieved?”

“Yeah. Before I started finding this stuff, I used to worry he might be gay.”

“Tank, if there’s one guy on this planet who’s not gay, it’s your dad.”