Sophia hurried on—

‘That’s it, dear. And you get fifty for Good Temper, and 27 for Selfishness … what a shame! Someone gave you 10 for selfishness – such nonsense.’

She turned to the next sheet. She guessed by Aunt Maxine’s steady glare into the fire who had given Auntie Loo 10 for Selfishness. That was because of the new car.

She unobtrusively shuffled the papers so that Aunt Maxine’s paper came next instead of last. Aunt Maxine should go through the hoop immediately.

‘Aunt Maxine,’ she read out clearly …

Aunt Maxine tried not to look self-conscious. She smiled and nodded tolerantly, as though to say ‘Bring on your tumbrils,’ gazing meanwhile into the fire; her large legs in their silk stockings were crossed over one another and she showed a length of clean but oddly repulsive light petticoat. In that moment Sophia disliked her aunt extremely. Coarse good humour does not excuse every petty vice that flourishes in a vulgar nature, and Sophia decided that in the past she had been too tolerant of Aunt Maxine’s faults.

‘Looks, 36. It would probably have been more, only two very critical people gave you 2 and 3.’

‘Still that’s not so bad. It’s over half marks,’ retorted Aunt Maxine, still staring into the fire with the complacent smile. She had evidently decided not to be shaken, but at the reference to the very critical people her smile became a little set. Angela and Aunt Grace carefully avoided looking at each other.

‘Greed, 51,’ read out Sophia.

‘Quite true. I do enjoy my food, I’m glad to say. I’m not like some people who make their own lives and everyone else’s a misery with their precious digestions. Go on, Sophia. It’s most interesting.’

‘But still, Maxine – fifty-one marks for Greed out of a possible sixty!’ tittered Uncle Preston, at whom the dart about digestions had been aimed. ‘Why, that almost makes Greed your besetting sin, does it not? heh! heh! heh!’

‘Sex Appeal, 20.’

Aunt Maxine’s smile had now almost vanished, but still she stared into the fire. She made no comment on this announcement, even when Auntie Loo said soothingly, ‘I gave you seven, dear. That was for your hair and eyes,’ for Auntie Loo could never, like most of her generation, be made to realize the difference between good looks and sex appeal. Sophia and Francis, out of a desperate sense of chivalry, had given their unfortunate aunt six marks each, thereby mortally perjuring themselves; and had not mended matters for after this there came a sullen pair of 0’s and a one.

‘Tidiness, 13.’

‘Here, I say, dammit!’ cried the lioness, roused at last. ‘Anyone would think I was a slut. Thirteen, indeed! Here, let me see – how d’you make that out?: 6 – 5 – 2 – 0 – 0 – 0. Who put in all those 0’s? A joke’s a joke, but this is going a bit too far … silly rubbish.’

‘Perhaps you would rather I didn’t go on?’ asked Sophia coolly. Odd that the slander on her neatness should have roused Aunt Maxine when the really unjust figures about her supposed greed did not! One never knew people …