Relaxing the hand and forming each letter with love; that’s today’s motto. I’ve noticed that my hand and arm are often tense when I write. If I did any more than the page I currently fill with these exercises, I could easily end up with so-called writer’s cramp. Trying to relax the muscles might lead to a decline in the quality of the output, but I think it’s a stage I have to go through, because my previous achievements, though considerable, came from focusing on the wrong part of the problem. So my writing might look careless and untidy at the moment, but this is actually due to a deliberate attempt on my part to change the way I work, which is no easy task because it involves keeping my attention strictly divided between the tension in my muscles (now they relax, now I get distracted and they tense up, and so on) and the act in itself of forming the letters. It’s difficult, very difficult indeed, but I think it’s the right approach. Keeping an eye on the tension in my muscles is also useful training for my plan to make relaxation a daily habit, which is something I’m always putting off but can put off no longer because it’s a crucial part of good health—or of my good health, at least. According to my theory, relaxation leads to the production of endorphins, which will allow me to smoke less, for one thing, and might eventually help me stop smoking altogether (something else I’ve been putting off for too long).

August 30

And so I continue with my new approach, keeping the muscles in my arm and hand relaxed. Let’s see if I can manage some passable handwriting under these conditions. It looks like I can. The secret is relaxing the muscles selectively, so only the ones that are absolutely essential to holding the ballpoint are active, while all the others (in my hand and arm but also in the rest of my body) remain as loose as possible. It’s difficult, I know. But it can be done. I need to stop for a second, though, because Pongo the dog is barking outside and waiting for me to open the door (another new development since the move is my role as doorman, since there’s no gap in the wire fence here to let him in and out as he pleases).

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