“I can’t accept that, Sir,” Caslet said hoarsely, but Honor felt the torment within him. The pain and disillusionment and, even more than either of those things, the agonizing suspicion that he could accept it. Indeed, that the core of him already had. And that suspicion terrified Warner Caslet, for if it were true, it would drive him inexorably towards a decision, force him to take control and forge purposefully and knowingly in the direction in which he had so far only drifted.

“Maybe you can’t,” Parnell said after a moment, allowing him to cling to the lie—for now, at least—if he chose. “But that doesn’t make anything I’ve just said untrue, Commander. Still, I suppose a little of that same idealism still clings to me, too. What an amazing thing.” He shook his head. “Forty years of naval service, dozens of cold-blooded campaigns under my belt—hell, I’m the one who drew up the plans to begin this war! I screwed them up, of course, but I was damned straight the one who authorized ’em. And eight more years here on Hell, on top of all that. And still there’s something down inside me that insists the drunk-rolling whore I served is a great, shining lady who deserves to have me lay down my life in her defense.”

He sighed and shook his head again.

“But she isn’t, son. Not anymore. Maybe someday she will be again, and it’s going to take men and women like you—people who stay loyal to her and fight for her from within—to bring that about. But they’ll have to be people like you, Commodore. You can’t be one of them anymore… and neither can I. Because however we may feel about her, she’ll kill us both in an instant if she ever gets her hands on us again.”

His voice trailed off, and silence hovered in its wake. The other officers in the office looked at one another for several seconds, and then Honor cleared her throat.

“Are you saying that you’ll take service with the Alliance, Sir?” she asked in a very careful tone.

“No, Admiral Harrington. Or not directly, at least. I can’t help you kill people like him.” He nodded his head at Caslet. “I helped train him, shaped his beliefs, sucked him into serving the same system I served. What’s happening now is at least as much my fault as it is Pierre’s, and I can’t be a party to killing officers who are caught up in a mess I made. And for that matter, when you come right down to it, maybe some good will actually come of Pierre’s damned ‘Committee’ someday. God, I hope it does! If all of this has been for absolutely nothing…”

He shook his head again, eyes lost as he stared at something none of the rest of them could see. Then a shiver seemed to ripple through him, and he was suddenly back with them, his face calm once more as he smiled crookedly at Honor.