Why had I landed up here? Of course I didn’t have a son. Just for the moment, I couldn’t even remember his name. What was it? Why one name rather than another? My name is Desmond Stephen Fletcher. I’ve never felt like a Desmond, not really; that was the trouble, I’ve felt more like a Bruce. My mother hadn’t got me right. Bruce, the water laps. It would be a hoot to have a new name. I couldn’t be expecting to find my son because I hadn’t bothered to comb my hair.

It seems like weeks since I’ve opened my mouth and talked to anybody; my throat feels dry. I’m propped up, inside my empty skin. Perhaps, if Bruce had been me, he’d be having a nervous breakdown too. I want to be tucked up under my duvet, but it isn’t my duvet anymore, it has a blue pattern on it. Had I really come here on holiday? I can’t remember being fifteen, it’s too long ago. To tell the truth, I think I was bored. We sat in bloody teashops all the time. I can’t remember my mother’s face, and if I try to concentrate I feel sick. I must try to remember the name of the estate agents in Orpington. No home today, the waves lap. I realize, with mild curiosity, that I’m shaking.

No home today. Somebody was speaking: No home today.

‘You okay?’

A man was standing in front of me. I lifted my head from my knees.

‘You okay?’ he repeated. He was eating a sausage roll.

‘Fine.’

I got to my feet. Then I walked back up the hill and checked into the first Bed and Breakfast I found. It was a chilly room but it had a bed. I took off my anorak, trousers and shoes, climbed in between the sheets and slept for fifteen hours.

Ten

I suddenly woke up and saw Winifred’s brooch. Of course, now I knew why it was so familiar. I blessed her for being so old she had pinned the tree upside down.

It was dark. Through the wall I could hear a baby crying; it went on and on, as if somebody was sawing logs. It took me a while to realize where I was. I pinched my watch; it was 5 am.

The brooch looked like a CND badge. Lesley had always worn one on her army coat; I remembered teasing her about her anti-military stance when there she was, togged up like a sergeant-major. She had never appreciated my jokes.

I lay back in bed. I felt airy and wide-awake. Her fear of nuclear attack was her strongest emotion; in fact I had worried about Edward growing up with such despair. Wherever she lived, she would join the CND. All I had to do was to phone up the local branch and get her address.

I jumped out of bed and opened the door. The light dazzled me. I blinked, and tried to focus. A girl was standing in the corridor, rocking a baby. I pulled down my shirt-front.