Because, just like Axl didn’t deserve me sending him very public mixed messages about where I was at with him, my girls didn’t deserve me acting like a twelve-year-old who didn’t know how to handle her own emotions.

“Yes,” I said to Sylvester, though it was a lie. “Everything’s cool.”

Then I might have tossed my hair (just a bit), and forcing a lot more confidence in my movements than I was feeling, I strode through the door.

Ryn and Lottie were there, that I knew.

Pepper was too.

She was onstage in some leggings and a workout bra.

The other two were sitting side stage.

All eyes came to us when we showed.

And looking at them, I realized I saw them often, I avoided them all the time, and I missed them like crazy.

They’d done their work in trying to reach me.

It was again my turn.

So I walked right up to them.

They were all eyeing me, but mostly eyeing Sylvester and me.

I’d get into Sylvester later.

Priorities.

I looked right at Lottie.

“I’m sorry I didn’t go to Elvira’s. It was wrong and I knew it and I felt bad about it. So bad, you wouldn’t believe. But that night, my dad called me a whore…”

Gasps ensued, from all of them, with Lottie’s eyes narrowing and Pepper’s face getting red.

But Sylvester rumbled, “What the fuck?”

I ignored all this and carried on.

“No, worse than a whore because he says a stripper is a tease and at least a whore is honest about it. And I wish I could say that was the reason why I didn’t go. But it isn’t. At least not the only one. It was because I made myself so distant from all of you, and I didn’t know how to come back. And then that happened with dad. Also stuff was weird with Axl because I danced that dance for him and he wanted to talk it out and he scares me so badly, even though I want him even worse, I couldn’t go there. And then I got home to my house and Brett was there. And he got in my face about putting Axl off and fasting…”

“Fasting?” Ryn asked quietly.

I heard her.

But I kept going because I had to get it all out.

And it was now or never. Because further delays might mean I couldn’t sort the damage.

Since I decided it was now, I had to get it all out now.

“Then Brett took me out to dinner, and we made friends and then the next day Axl shows and he gets in my face…”

“What?” Lottie demanded.

I also heard that, but I kept on my bent.