sorry! I hate to miss it!

Have SO MUCH fun!

xo♥♥♥

I knew I needed to give it a minute (or a hundred hours of professionally directed time while sitting on someone’s couch) to try and figure out why I was so terrified of spending time with them again after what Axl and Ryn saw when I was dancing.

I had just, until then, refused to give it that minute.

But sitting in my burgundy Rogue, giving it that minute, I realized it wasn’t just because it was embarrassing.

It was because it was weak.

See, Lottie had it together. She totally knew who she was and she made no apologies (not that there were any to be made, she was awesome, still, she was a stripper, and before that she’d been Queen of the Corvette Calendar, and by my estimation, 99.9 percent of the population was judgy, so they’d think she had apologies to make).

She loved stripping, made a ton of money doing it and was at one with her looks and her body. She also had a great house she’d pulled together herself, as well as the love and devotion of Mo, who might look terrifying in a could-be-one-of-Brett’s-henchmen type of way, but he was a softie.

And Evie was a genius. Like, certifiable. I’d seen her do mathematics on the fly in her head that I’d probably mess up on a calculator. Her family was way more messed up than my dad. But she’d scraped them off and moved on, going back to college to get her degree, fixing computers, living with, looking for a new house to share and now engaged to Mag, who was a super-cool dude and insanely into her.

Then there was Ryn, who had it just as together as Lottie. She was gorgeous and sexy and sweet and strong with a fantastic fashion sense and she’d just sold her first flip, a house she’d worked on herself. Now she and Boone were in the midst of waiting to close on their second because that was what Ryn wanted to do full time. Flip houses. And with Ryn as she was, I knew that would happen.

Last, there was Pepper, who had a daughter, Juno. And Pepper was the best mom in the world with Juno being the best kid ever, even if Pepper had zero support from her family and her ex was a total tool. Motherhood seemed effortless to her. No one messed with her or her kid, not even her family…or her tool of an ex.

Then there was me.

And I was none of that.

But seriously, it was embarrassing, dancing free and breezy by myself in a room then screwing it up and losing it the way I did. Doing all this not knowing Ryn and Axl were watching.

No, not embarrassing.

Mortifying.

I mean, on the whole I was shy around good-looking guys.