I nodded, but instead of speaking I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to quit shaking. He said something more, but I couldn’t hear it because the sound of my heartbeat drowned it out. After a few minutes the shaking eased and I rested my head against the wall in relief.

“We can’t stay here forever,” said Tosten. “Someone’s bound to notice.”

“How far are we from your rooms?” I asked.

“We’re not staying here. Duraugh rented a house—I gave him the money from the strongbox in your study to help pay for your rescue. I hope that was right.”

I didn’t want to sleep under Jakoven’s roof, but I didn’t see how I was going to get from here to a rented house without causing a scene.

“How do I look?” I asked.

“Like you’ve been poisoned and are waiting to die,” said Tosten. “But in the dim light in the corridors of the palace, I don’t think that anyone who didn’t know you would notice. It’s getting dark outside as well. I think we can get you out without attracting attention.”

I slid myself up the wall with Tosten’s help. When my legs didn’t immediately collapse under me, I walked slowly to the door. “Did you bring horses, or am I going to have to crawl all the way there?”

“Horses,” said Tosten, wedging a shoulder under my arm. “Uncle Duraugh, in a fit of optimism or a show for the audience—I’m never sure with him—even brought an extra for you.”

When we stepped back out of the room, Duraugh and Beckram were in the hall waiting. Neither of them spoke, but I had learned to recognized the slight tightness in Duraugh’s cheek that denoted white-hot rage, and Beckram was shaking with it.

“I’m all right,” I said, though it was patently untrue. Beckram slid under my free shoulder and helped with the task of getting my unwilling body out of the castle.

There were things I needed to know, things I needed to tell them all, but I contented myself with staggering to the stables. The grooms tactfully didn’t notice that I had to lean against the wall while my brother pointed out the horses to be saddled. They’d put it down to too much drink, unless someone questioned them, and forget about it before the day was over.

When Tosten appeared with Feather, I buried my head against her neck and let the clean smell of horse wash away the stink of the Asylum. I tried twice to mount on my own, and if Feather had been any lighter, I’d probably have pulled her over. Beckram, with a shoulder in my rump, made my third attempt successful.