‘Except that cannot be true. I imagine your job requires high degrees of natural empathy. How else would you have persuaded the girl you lost to work for you?’

Blackmail, Kate thought. Bullying. But she decided not to share that. ‘I think I feel more in control the closer I am to the things I fear. I always worried about someone hurting someone I love, but this way I can seek out threats and defend myself and those I care for against them.’

‘In order to keep your home life pure?’

‘In what way?’

‘To avoid the hurt your mother’s betrayal caused?’

‘I . . . don’t know. Perhaps. But there is no perfect spy. We’re as flawed as everyone else.’

Dr Wiseman glanced at the clock. He shuffled his notes. ‘All right, I suggest we continue in a week or two. Please call Sarah to make another appointment.’

‘How do we proceed? I mean, what’s happening to me?’

He stapled his notes together. ‘I’m going to refer you to Cognitive Analysis. That should take around twenty sessions—’

‘Twenty?’

He didn’t blink. ‘We’ll explore issues relating to your work, your past and your family of origin. I’ll continue to see you at the same time. We’ll need to consider pharmacology—’

‘I really don’t want to take drugs.’

He looked up at her sharply. ‘Medicines,’ he said. ‘We call them medicines.’ He smiled. ‘And how interesting. You would take penicillin without a moment’s hesitation, I have no doubt, so why would you not take a medicine that might help you recover from the highly anxious state you find yourself in?’

Kate felt pretty stupid. She didn’t argue. ‘What is wrong with me?’ she asked.

Dr Wiseman closed the file. He took off his glasses, placed them carefully in the centre of the folder and looked up at her. ‘I suspect that some genetics is involved and some imprinting. You may have a natural predisposition to anxiety, as it seems your father had, and in turn his behaviour, his fears over your safety, may have helped further imprint that natural tendency into you.’ He wiped his forehead and began to clean his glasses. ‘You spoke earlier of the impact of your father’s death. Up until that point, you had looked to him to soothe your fears. After his departure, there was no one left to do that for you, save your husband, whom, as you also said, you clung to with too great a force.’

‘But what can I do about it?’

‘You will need to learn to self-soothe. To care for yourself, rather than rely on others to provide comfort. In short you must leave the anxious child behind you and learn to be comfortable in the adult and capable Kate, who is a mother to two children and a senior executive officer in one of our nation’s most demanding professions.’ He put his glasses back on the folder. ‘It would help, I think, to begin that conversation quite consciously.’

‘Between?’