‘Because I’m telling you,’ said Albert, pulling at his tie to loosen it, although he was well aware that it had nothing to do with his current state of discomfort. Were all Outlier children like this?

‘Oh, all right,’ she said cheerfully, sitting back.

She began, with the air of a gourmand, to ever so delicately bite at her nails, one by one.

‘Say, what’s that, then?’ she said suddenly, pointing at him.

‘What? Oh, that’s a tie.’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘Hurt—no, not at all. It’s just a bit tight, that’s all.’

‘Oh, OK,’ she replied absently, frowning at him. Then she shook her head firmly. ‘I still don’t get it. What’s it do?’

‘Meaning?’

She clucked impatiently at him. ‘Meanin’, what’s it do, Mac? Like, y’know, jackets keep yer back warm an’ pants keep yer legs warm. This thing, I dunno. It don’t keep yer neck warm, cause it’s too thin an’ you got scarves to do that, so what’s it do?’

‘Um … I don’t know. It doesn’t really do anything in that sense.’

‘Then why you wearin’ it?’

‘Well, it’s a tie. You wear them with suits, you know, because—because—because you wear them with suits. That’s how it’s done.’

‘By who?’

‘Everyone.’

‘And why they do it?’

‘Um … because that’s how it’s done.’

‘So everyone wears ’em cause everyone else wears ’em?

‘Pretty much, yes.’

She looked up at him incredulously.

He decided to try a different line of defence. ‘Well, it looks good,’ he said valiantly.

‘Uncomfortable’s what it looks, way yer keep pullin’ at it.’

‘Well, it’s not uncom—’

‘But it’s silly anyway. Makes yer look like yer gotta rope round yer neck.’

He stared at her.

‘A really ugly rope,’ she added, looking up at him earnestly.

Against his instincts, he was stung into responding. ‘Ugly? Ugly? It’s not ugly—’

‘Ugly as pus on a pimple, that’s what it is. Ugly as puke pudding. Uglier.’

With commendable self-restraint, Albert prevented his mind from wandering down the undoubtedly dark path of speculation as to what exactly a puke pudding might be. ‘I am not interested in your opinion on the matter,’ he said coldly. ‘Now if you have quite finished criticizing my attire, can we please get back to the conversation?’

‘We’re already havin’ a conversation. ’Bout how ugly that tie or tire or whatever you wanna call it is.’

He ignored her and went on. ‘So, Theo, you say you don’t know where your parents are?’

‘It’s still ugly.’

‘So whom do you stay with?’

‘Ugly, ugly, ugly!’

‘Whom do you stay with?’ he shouted.

‘It’s true, Mac, an’ there’s no need to get all upset ’bout it.’

‘I am not upset!’

‘No? Coulda fooled me.’