“At least by sight. But beyond that, I can’t imagine it. It couldn’t be the same guy. Doesn’t make any sense. He’s a lot older, conservative, all the things that she seemed to be against.”

“Maybe he was a father figure, a john, a lover.”

“A lover?” I flicked my hand dismissively, as if I were an expert on the subject. “What could they have had in common?”

“It’s not what lovers have in common, it’s what they need from each other.”

I turned away to watch the mountains recede in the distance, feeling confused.

We arrived in LA a little before ten. It was another scorcher, and we had been burned to bits by the time Lupe pushed the overheated Fiat into Hollywood and down the Boulevard.

“Drop me off at the office.” I peeled myself from the sweat-soaked seat, relieved I was going to be alone again. Now that we were back at home, I started to feel more like myself. I had gotten drunk and talked about myself too much. I realized I had felt off balance and out of my element in Mexico.

“I’m going to go get Joey.” Her eyes didn’t meet mine as she stopped in front of my building. Did she feel the same relief I did?

I straightened my wrinkled linen skirt and looked away also.

“Yeah. Take care of yourself.” Stepping away from the car, I started to lift my hand to wave to her, but I dropped it as she pulled away. I watched until she was out of sight, then turned to the door of the office building. No one was expecting me anywhere.

I went to the gym. It was an upper-body day. I wanted to ask Rodney what to do, but he wasn’t there. I decided to bench-press. I watched a guy load a barbell with fifty-pound plates. All of the other benches were occupied, so I repeated my stretching routine while I waited for him to finish. He got up and wiped his sweat off the bench. He glanced at me, then called out to someone across the room and walked away, leaving all the weights on the bar. I broke the bar down, leaving sixty pounds on it.

It was the first time I had ever pressed this weight without a spotter. The bar loomed above me massive and solid as I lay on my back staring up at it. I gripped the bar and thrust the weight upward. I rose from the bench shaken but proud. I moved across the room to do side flyes with dumbbells, then standing dumbbell flyes for the shoulders. The Whitney Logan reflected in the mirror was tall and strong. The weight flowed in my hands, and I saw my muscles ripple. Training is really a question of focus. We create ourselves as we want to be. I still hold to a progressive vision of the future.