So I headed towards it. You might think that was a daft thing to do but I’d been sent there to do a job. My head was buzzing with questions and this was yet another mystery. I made my way slowly and carefully up the metal stair – the breathing getting louder all the time – till I got to the top where there was a door, this one green and studded with leather buttons. And there was a hatch at the bottom of it. I thought I’d try that first and pushed my fingers against it. It moved easily – well-oiled, thought I – and I peeked inside. But I could see nothing but an oblong of dark.

So I bent closer.

And closer still.

Then – I shrieked as a hand shot out from the hatch and grabbed me by the collar! A queer hand it was too, manacled at the wrist, bright red – and glowing! Glowing like a phosphorus match. Gathering my wits, I dragged the horrible hand off me and scuttled backwards on my rump, rubbing at my throat and thinking fast.

‘All right, mate!’ I cried. ‘You just stay calm now!’

The crimson hand disappeared through the hatch and the green door shook as whoever was on the other side thumped against it.

‘Stay calm, I said! Now, I could open this door. Would you like that?’

Silence.

‘I said—’

The door shook again.

‘Thought you might,’ I whispered. ‘But you and me has got to come to an arrangement, savvy?’

Another thump. It was like talking to a spirit at a séance. I’d been to one of them once, on a day trip to Wales, but didn’t reckon much to it. All squeeze boxes between the knees and old ladies swallowing pillowcases, if you asked me. But this – whatever was on the other side of this door was very real.

I took out my skeleton keys. They made a pleasing tinkling sound as I dangled them before the lock. ‘Now … you stand well back. Do you hear me? I don’t mean no harm to you. But you try anything funny and I’ll leave you here to rot. Is that understood?’

Another thump from the Beyond.

‘Righto.’ I got to work, scrabbling my little friends into the tumblers of the great brass lock.

In no time at all, it came free and creaked open at the touch of my hand. I remember a creak like that when Mum took us to see ‘Varney the Vampire’ when I was a nipper. The coffin lid groaned as the monster emerged from inside and all the crowd gasped and I had a little accident in me drawers.