"I know it's not," said Suli. "I know—I saw Ambros die—it was terrible!" Paks shot a glance at her; the girl's face was solemn. "I still want it—even though I know—and I don't see why you won't—"

"You don't know!" Paks lowered her voice after that. "Suli, if you think that was bad—one man dead, and quickly dead—you don't know anything." She thought of Effa's broken back, of Captain Ferrault at Dwarfwatch. "You think because you've survived a couple of fights—difficult fights, yes, I'll grant you—that you're ready—"

"Just to be your squire," pleaded Suli. "I know I couldn't earn my way yet, as a soldier. But you could teach me—"

"I don't know enough myself. No, don't argue. I know what a private in the Duke's Company knows, and a little more. You think it's a lot—that's because you don't know—" Paks broke off, shaking her head. Would this have convinced her, the year she left home? Would anything convince Suli, now glaring at the table? She could feel that stubborn resolution as if it were a flame. She tried again. "Suli, I do think you can be a good soldier. You are strong, fast, and fairly skilled. More skilled than I was when I left home. I'm not trying to keep you from becoming a fighter. If you don't want to join a mercenary company, try one of the guards' units. Or ask Marshal Cedfer about training in the Fellowship. But all I can teach is fighting skills, and I'm finding out how much more I need. Why, when I first came, I'd never stayed in an inn before—"

"That's why I don't want to join a company," said Suli. "Staying all together, never on my own. I already know how to live on my own—and I can help you with that."

"You fight too much," Paks said. She had heard that from Mal and the others. Suli blushed. Paks went on. "My old sergeant said soldiers were fools to get in brawls. Most folk don't like soldiers anyway, and you get a reputation for causing trouble, they're glad enough to see you in the lockup or sold to slavers."

"We don't have any slavers here," muttered Suli.

"No, but you've got a lockup." Paks drained her mug. "Look, Suli, that's beside the point. It's not you. It's me. I'm not ready to take on someone to train. I was looking for more training for myself. If I were just adventuring, it'd be different, but I'm not. I want—"

"But I'll never have another chance," Suli burst out. "Nobody pays any attention—I'm just a crazy girl, that's what they think. I thought you would help—you're a woman, after all—and I'll never get out of this place if you don't—"