I’ve never told you about my own previous experiences, but given what you’ve learned about me in these months, I don’t believe you’re terribly surprised. There’s much, much more, but you aren’t a woman interested in gossip or provocative conversation. What I liked about you the afternoon we met was the way you told me—with your eyes, to be sure—that you were going to “take charge.” And as I told you later, you more than fulfilled your promise. The way you used your strength that first night ignited my imagination. Does that explain why we’ve been so violent together, so angry, combative, belligerent? I wanted it. The heat of your rage has left me breathless and tingling. The punching, biting, and scratching—haven’t you seen the pattern? Remember the night we had our first “real” argument? You said I was looking for trouble. I was. You even accused me of enjoying myself. I couldn’t let you know how aroused I was becoming. Later, as you exhausted yourself in your fury, I had to be careful approaching you. I was afraid you would see the direct connection between your desperation, for that’s what it had become by then, and my excitement!

Oh, my darling, you have been honest with me about the intensity of your response. Can you be honest about your true lack of surprise at my behavior? You were ready for me when I entered you, as angry as you had been. I have never hammered a woman so hard and so long. You shrieked! Afterward, you said you had never heard a man roar before. I didn’t even know I was doing it. Beyond the beyond, you said. You were so disappointed the next time we saw each other. You expected me to tear your clothes off in eager passion, like a college boy imitating a movie star. As you’ve been learning ever since, I don’t work that way!

You’d be surprised how many importantly placed people there are who are different. It goes with the need for power. In my lifetime we’ve had one mayor who used call girls, another who propositioned every woman he met, and one who was caught sucking off a teenager in a subway men’s room. That last was our current Mayor Hamilton—and his police commissioner was the arresting officer. Hamilton made the mistake of confiding in his lawyer, a politically ambitious man who passed on the information to my father.

I’ve spent years thinking about my situation, to state the obvious. We Brennan children were spanked, Joe particularly viciously by our father, but then we were rebellious, nasty, stubborn, and willful children. Joe and I had sexual experiences together, and we had our moments with Maryellen separately and together. I think …