For a moment, he wondered if he’d killed him, but the rise and fall of Javier’s pigeon chest assured him that no, the idiot was still alive. He couldn’t leave him out on the porch, though. It wasn’t so much that the neighbours might wonder what was going on, but that Javier might get carried off by a bear or something on its way past. What an undignified way to go.

So Virgil prepared himself and, moving slowly, took a good grip on each of Javier’s matchstick ankles. Straightening up even slower than he’d bent down, he got himself in a good position, and pulled. Dragging Javier into the house was easier than he’d expected. The man seemed to consist of nothing more than dried kindling and leathered skin. His head bounced off the doorsill and Virgil grinned.

When he was inside, Virgil closed the door and went to fetch a glass of water. He stood over Javier, then, about to upend it over the other man’s face, when his mischievous streak lit up. He poured half of the water on to Javier’s crotch, and the rest he dumped on Javier’s face.

Javier spluttered, coughed, turned his head away and wiped his eyes. “What the hell … what the hell’re you doing?”

Virgil put the glass on the hall table. “Reviving you,” he said. “You looked dead.”

“That’s how I always look, you sonofabitch. You hit me!”

“You hit me first.”

“You deserved it!”

“Sorry I called you Goat-molester,” Virgil said. “It was the first thing that came into my head, honestly.”

“I don’t need your damn apology!”

“Then why are you here?”

“I came here to kick your ass!”

“You might want to do that from a standing position.”

“Screw you! I’ll get up in my own time!”

“Right. Sure. You wet yourself, by the way.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake …”

Javier struggled into a sitting position, then wiped at his crotch with dismay.

“Need some help?” Virgil asked.

“Not from the likes of you!”

Virgil shrugged.

Javier rubbed his chin. “You sucker-punched me.”

“No, I hit you back.”

“Yeah, when I wasn’t expecting it. I might have concussion. If my brain swells tonight, you’re to blame. Everyone will know you killed me.”

“Not if I leave you out for the bears.”

“There are bears?” Javier said quickly, looking around like he expected one to come ambling through from the bathroom.

“This is Alaska,” said Virgil. “We have everything here. Javier, are you sure you don’t want any help getting off the floor? You’re a long way down, and it’s a long way up.”

“I can do it myself,” said Javier. “Look at you, talking like an old man. You probably need those handles in the tub, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” said Virgil. “I also have a seat in the shower.”

“Ha! Like an old man!”