“Well, maybe not particularly pit bulls, but we all know that witches are terrified of dogs, right?”

“That’s not a thing, either,” said Linda.

Warrick frowned. “So what are witches terrified of?”

“Fire,” said Ronnie.

“But then why did she run away? The moment she saw Two she screamed and ran.”

“That’s because Stefanianna is terrified of dogs,” Kelly said.

“Yes!” said Warrick. “Exactly! See?”

“But that doesn’t mean she’s a witch.”

“Why doesn’t it?”

“Because why would it?”

Warrick frowned again. “I don’t … I don’t see what you’re saying here.”

“Take a right, Ronnie,” Linda said. “Should be a hill up ahead.”

Ronnie took the right. “I see it. That where we’re going?”

“Yep.” Linda sat up. Her dark hair was a mess.

“How was your nap?” Kelly asked.

“Terrible,” Linda answered. “I feel like a hamster in a ball that’s been kicked down a hill for three hours. And Two kept farting.”

Two whined in protest.

“That wasn’t Two,” Warrick said meekly.

“Oh, you’re so gross,” Linda said, crawling forward. She left the cushioned rear of the van and joined Warrick on the long seat behind Kelly.

They got to the top of the hill and Kelly read the sign.

“The Dowall Motel,” she said, and frowned up at the building. “You know, for a pretty town, this is a creepy motel.”

“They better allow pets,” Warrick said.

“I don’t care,” said Linda. “All I want is a real bed tonight. I’m sick of sleeping in the van.”

“Swear allegiance,” Warrick whispered.

They parked, and got out, and Kelly immediately reached back in to grab her jacket. Two hopped out as well, started to hump a small tree, but Warrick shook his head.

“Sorry, buddy, you’re gonna have to stay in the van until we find out if they allow pets.”

“He doesn’t understand you, Warrick,” said Linda, rubbing her arms against the cold.

“Well, no, but he understands basic English, though.”

Linda looked at the dog. “Two. Stop having sex with the tree. Sit. Sit. Two, sit.” She raised her eyes to Warrick. “He’s not sitting.”

“You know he doesn’t like to be told what to do. It’s conversational English he responds to, not orders. We’re not living in Nazi Germany, Linda, okay? We have something here in America that I like to call freedom. Freedom to choose, freedom to worship, freedom to congregate in groups of like-minded individuals, freedom of the press and free speech and freedom to do other stuff … Land of the free, home of the brave. That’s where we live, that’s how we live, and that’s why Two won’t sit when you order him to sit.”

“Fine,” said Linda. “Then you tell him to do something.”