When she offered a plate of stew to Nan, proud that she had made it herself, her face shining, Nan shocked herself by bursting into tears. Poor Cecilia – no, her name was Erma now, it had always been Erma. The girl could not know that it was little Bea that had appeared in Nan’s mind. Bea as she might have been. Bea as she never would be, because wishes were nothing against the cruel realities of the world.

There was no trouble for Elias and his family when they left. They brought little with them, having sold nearly everything. Nan had to turn away from the sight of him as they left the house that his grandfather’s grandfather had built. The look on him was one of such grief that it felt wrong to witness it.

It had been his home, his children’s home, his father’s home – and he must leave it, knowing he would likely never see it again. This was hiraeth being born.

Every night since, she had lain awake and thought of it. It made her understand the choice the Welshman had made, and took the sharpest edge off her anger. She had never had a home, not truly. As a child, her family had moved from place to place with the seasons, rarely the same village twice. There was no place she could call her own, and there never had been. Her heart dwelled in the people she loved. And if she had been forced to choose between keeping them safe and being with him, would she have chosen any differently than he had?

As the mountains surrounding Aderinyth diminished into the distance, she made herself imagine him not as her Welshman, but as their prince. Like the mountains that protected his land, he was the only thing that stood between the people, powerless and vulnerable, and the might of Norman lords who would take all that they could. He had been starving with a well-fed falcon on his wrist, because the great were not ruled – could not be ruled – by their own selfish desires.

He had always been a great lord. She had wanted him to be less than he was, only so she could have him.

“Have you never been on the sea?”

It was Marcus who asked it, one of the younger men of Lord Robert’s hired guard. She shook her head and tried to look unfriendly, though he had always been respectful of her. He began to describe the upcoming journey, reminiscing with the other men over past bouts of seasickness.