Back Desert Places

I looked at the woman, still quivering on the stool, felt my brother’s hand gripping my shoulder. Orson was in control, so I asked the first question.

“Name three plays by William Shakespeare,” I said woodenly.

“That’s good,” Orson said. “That’s a fair question. Shirley?”

“Romeo and Juliet,” she blurted. “Um …Hamlet.”

“Excellent,” Orson mocked. “One more, please.”

She was silent for a moment and then exclaimed, “Othello! Othello!”

“Yes!” Orson clapped his hands. “One for one. Next question.”

“Who’s the president of the United States?”

Orson slapped the back of my head. “Too easy, so now I’m gonna ask one. Shirley, which philosopher’s theory is encapsulated in this quote: ‘Act only on that maxim through which you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law’?”

“I don’t know! How the hell should I know that?”

“If you knew anything about philosophy, you’d know it was Kant. One for two. Andy?” Hesitating, I glanced up at Orson. “Ask the question, Andy!”

I deliberated. “On what hill was Jesus Christ crucified?” I looked up at Orson, and he nodded approvingly.

“Golgotha,” she said weakly.

“Two for three,” Orson said, but he didn’t sound as happy this time.

“Fourth question. When—”

“I’ve got one,” said Orson, interrupting. “You can ask the last one, Andy. Shirley, on what continent is the country of Gabon?”

She answered quickly, as if she knew. “Europe.”

“Oh, no, I’m sorry. Africa. Western coast.”

“Don’t do this anymore,” she begged. “I’ll give you money. I have credit cards. I have—”

“Shut up,” Orson said. “Play fair. I am.” His face reddening, he gritted his teeth. When it passed, he said, “It all comes down to this. Andy, hope you’ve got a good one, ’cause if it isn’t, I have a perfect question in mind.”

“The subject is history,” I said. “In what year did we sign the Declaration of Independence?” Closing my eyes, I prayed Orson would let the question fly.

“Shirley?” he said after ten seconds. “I’m gonna have to ask for your answer.”

When I opened my eyes, my stomach turned. Tears had begun to glide down her cheeks. “1896?” she asked. “Oh God, 1896?”

“EEEEEHHHHH! I’m sorry, that is incorrect. The year was 1776.” She collapsed onto the concrete. “Two for five doesn’t cut it,” he said, walking across the floor to Shirley. He bent down and untied the blindfold. Wadding it up, he threw it at me. Shirley refused to look up.

“That’s a shame, Shirley,” he said, circling her as she remained balled up on the floor. “That last one was a gimme. I didn’t want my brother to have to see what I’m gonna do to you.”

“I’m sorry,” she cried, trying to catch her breath as she lifted her bruised face from the floor. Her eyes met Orson’s for the first time, and it struck me that they were exceptionally kind. “Don’t hurt me, sir.”