Late afternoon, rain comes pissing down and I call a halt for the day, tell the crew to head off home. Put covers on where we can and hope for dry weather tomorrow. The build’s going well. Another reason not to say anything to Bardán. Fact is, I miss Blackthorn, I miss the cottage, I miss working for the folk down around Winterfalls. But mostly Blackthorn. It was good seeing her. Nearly shed tears when she had to go. And I’m tired. Nights, I sleep mostly catnaps. In between, I’m awake, on alert, can’t help myself. Keep my body strong with the exercises. Wish I could fall asleep quick and stay asleep long, but it doesn’t work that way. Every little sound startles me: a mouse in the thatch, a door creaking in the wind, the trees blowing about outside, the rain drumming on the roof. And when I’m awake I’m thinking of the past, seeing the bad things. Faces of the dead and the lost. Twisted, broken bodies. If I’m asleep I dream, and it’s the same. I dream of Mathuin and the lockup. I dream that Blackthorn’s a prisoner and I’m chained up and I can’t help her. I see the folk I care about being tortured and killed. Over and over again.

Means I’m often snappish with tiredness. In the day, if the fellows are taking a break from work, I’ll sometimes sit down to eat and fall asleep right where I am. Catch Gormán looking at me once or twice. Don’t know what I’m supposed to say.

Anyway, today it’s too wet to work any longer, so I head for the living quarters to stir up the fire and make a brew. Hoping Blackthorn got safely down to Winterfalls. Hoping she’s back in the prince’s house, dry and warm. I’ll have a wash, change my own clothes, help with the cooking. Leave the heartwood house to think about itself for a while. Supper, then an early night. Wouldn’t hurt any of us.

Doesn’t work out that way. I’m halfway out of my wet clothes when a serving man raps on the door. Master Tóla wants to see me down at the big house. Rain still pelting down out there, but the fellow says it can’t wait. I throw on some dry things, cloak over the top. Head out after him. What can be so urgent? Hope something hasn’t happened to Blackthorn. Hope she hasn’t had an accident on the way home. Can’t help seeing her lying in the rain somewhere with a broken leg or a broken head.