Since my mother rarely gives me any advice, I’ve decided to heed hers now. Plus, I’m much better when I can think of things I want to say instead of spitting out whatever bullshit nonsense flies from my mouth.

I am sorry for what happened at prom. Things went too far. I should have

That sounds weak even as I write it. I don’t know the right words to say. I don’t know why things always get out of hand between us. But I do know that I can’t stand living in my skin when I think of you as you were that night. That should never have happened.

I was in the wrong. I’m often in the wrong—especially when it comes to you.

I don’t expect your forgiveness. I don’t really need it. I won’t be in your life anymore and that’s probably a good thing. You deserve better than what you got from me. From a lot of people.

So, no, I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I hope that you won’t hurt anymore.

Maybe you don’t remember, but you once said that the stars overhead gave you hope because, even though it took years for their light to reach us, their starlight still gave us joy when we looked upon them. And I sneered at you because I didn’t have any hope or light in my life. But I could never shake the thought that if Delilah Baker remained hopeful that she’d eventually burn bright, despite all the shit that got thrown her way, who was I, with all my advantages, to stop trying? I hated you for that too, Delilah. I hated that you were the only one who could ever scratch the scabs that cover me. You made me bleed when I didn’t want to.

And now I’ve made you bleed too much. Why does it feel like it’s my wound too?

Doesn’t matter. I bought you this because it reminded me of stars. I figure you can wear these stars around your neck and always remain hopeful. I understand if they remind you of me instead and you don’t want my gift. In that case, sell the damn thing and use the money for whatever pleases you.

—Macon Saint

P.S. This is my last piece of dignity and you are welcome to it. Your face is familiar to me as my own. Now that I know I won’t ever see yours again, it feels as though a part of me has died. Do you really think it is because you are my enemy?