Chapters (21)
She sat by the drawing-room fire with them.
Alice and Unice came in and gave her little nods, and sat down and knitted.
Eric wandered through, he of the seagull, with a book.
Jack and Dorian appeared and disappeared.
There were other slight to-ings and fro-ings, flutters on the edge of the eye that were doubtless Miriam and Sasha, Anita, Teresa, Miranda and Livia, George, Peter.
Carlo came in once with logs.
Maria, Cheta and Michael had served the meal.
‘Oh, Michael, a fire must be laid in Miss Rachaela’s room.’
‘It’s already seen to, Miss Anna.’
A fire. The luxury, the cosiness.
She did not want him now. She wanted to be a little girl in the safe balmy house, with the dear old grannies and grandfathers, and the big pussy-cat, and the doll’s house beds and all the lovely windows.
Keep away, she thought.
Nothing must smash this cloud-cuckoo world. Nothing so absolute as sex.
It was strange, she thought, as Unice knitted and Anna sewed and Alice consulted her pattern, and the good old granddaddy Stephan watched the fire, strange she had never properly felt sex before. It was as if she had been cordoned off from it. It had not been for her.
She would not think of kissing and being kissed before the white eyes of the Virgin.
‘Michael,’ she said, ‘I’d like another glass of wine.’
All the old grandparents in the room beamed on her. A favourite child.
She was to uphold the family tradition. She was to lie with her own father.
She stripped her body naked and got under the covers. It was almost one by the tower clock, about ten-thirty. Early to bed.
The coy bride on the bridal night.
She had locked the door. It was a token. A needful token. He had, after all, a key to all the doors.
Perhaps he would make her wait until midnight.
She tried not to think what would happen. She guessed at it, alternately disconcerted, aroused, angry. Even amused.
She had seen his face when he made love to the piano.
The radio had a play. She had switched it off. Other dramas could not engage her.
An hour passed. The single lamp burned on the mantel.
She heard the breathing of the sea. No one had gone by in the corridor. The house muttered and shifted its joists, the windows crisped in their leading.
Of course. He would not arrive at the door. The night would come and go without him.
Rachaela made a sound, her throat, her body, a protest that her mind had not ordered or allowed. And the handle of the door turned. The door opened. Outside was darkness, and as usual the dark came in with him on hair and clothes. He shut the door, locked it again. He stood looking at her.