Two beats.

I had baked a nice sweet potato pie and my daughter was supposed to come over with the grandkids and then she called and said her youngest had swallowed a penny. I tell you, I think that child is going to be mean like his daddy! Oh his daddy is a stingy brute. Rather than pay for a real wedding, he eloped. Took my daughter down to city hall, that is so classless. City hall! It almost broke my heart. Every time I think about it, my blood pressure goes up. No church wedding. No reception. Just because he’s cheap. A cheap, mean brute! So as I was saying, my grandson had swallowed a penny. I tell you there’s the proof, that kid cheap like his daddy. Rather swallow a penny than spend it. (shakes her head) So Odette, that’s my daughter, had to take that penny swallowing cheap idiot to the hospital. And that left me stuck with an entire sweet potato pie all for myself. And really I could’ve eaten it myself. Because ladies, there comes a time in your life where you ain’t got no time to be watching your figure or worrying about your thighs and your butt. You just glad that the good lord has blessed you with another day and you still remember where your butt supposed to be. ‘Cause when you get to my age, the memory sure does fail you. Can I get a witness? Amen. Yesterday I put my eyeglasses in the fridgerator, and the eggs in the medicine cabinet. Oh lord! (She laughs.) Bless this old girl. So where was I? I told you about this memory. Oh the pie. So I had me my pie. Standing in the kitchen just me and my pie. And I looked outside my kitchen window and there was Charlie pruning his tomatoes. The sun beating down on him. Charlie was looking hot! I’m talking about the sweating kina hot, dirty birdie! But yeah Charlie was hot, I must admit, real hot! And then I felt this sort of tingling feeling in my stomach and the tingle spread to some other places I’m too much of a lady to mention. And I thought, I hadn’t had this sort of feeling in so long… it’s been so long. Lord, I can’t even remember how long. (two beats) Aston been dead seven years now. And even when we were married, I never got me that tingly feeling like the one I had for Charlie. Five kids. A mortgage to pay. Breakfast, lunch and dinner to make. Somehow you forget about that tingly feeling and it becomes a dull ache, a low moan and then all of a sudden it’s just gone. Gone just like that… And the only thing left to discuss is what time “Wheel of Fortune” is starting. And it’s not that I didn’t love Aston. Oh I did. It’s just in my day you didn’t really marry for love or tingly feelings. You married a good man.