– Indefinite Leave to Remain. You must know that.

(You had to remember, when arguing with your son who was a lawyer, that half of his genes were yours. You were capable of answering in kind.)

– Not my area of law, Mother.

– Well, they had a war on. And I liked her the moment I saw her. Sometimes you can tell how a person is just by looking at them. You can tell how interesting and empathetic they are before they’ve even opened their mouth.

– Can you? Useful when you don’t share a mother tongue.

– Something about the eyes. You know what I’m talking about, Henry. You can smell it.

– But what is she doing in the house? Why here? Why Harcourt? Where’s the Pakistani sleeping?

– Mariam? In the attic room.

– Sebastian’s room?

– He hasn’t slept there since he was a teenager, Henry.

– And the Bosnian? Are they both Muslim?

– You’re being silly, Henry. Lucija’s a nun.

– The Pakistani’s a patient of Camille’s, George tells me. She’ll have an STI, Mother, you must be careful.

– Honestly, Henry. I’m not going to sleep with her.

– What’s she doing living with you?

– Camille sent her up. I’m employing her to teach Zoe.

– Zoe? Well make sure Sebastian pays. There’s no reason why you should.

– Don’t be so mean, Henry.

– I’m serious. I absolutely insist.

JUDGE: Why did you and your brothers react so badly to the welcome your mother gave to outsiders?

HENRY: I don’t think I reacted badly. My mother’s lifestyle concerned me. What we saw was her increasingly eccentric way of giving shelter to utterly random people – wanderers, really – people without responsibilities, without a regular income or home or career, who live on benefits and don’t pay any tax.

The phone rang again.

– Mother. At last.

– Hello, George. Have you been trying to get hold of me?

– I’ve been trying to get hold of Seb and you. Has he spoken to you about Cwen? Your phone’s always engaged.

– About Cwen? No.

– Cwen and Harcourt Wood. We’re going to go for it. In short, Sebastian says they’re changing the planning laws so that councils will be able to give the go-ahead to develop certain greenfield sites, if the council concerned can prove the need, et cetera.

– Is that what you were doing up here recently? Somebody told me they’d seen you out on the island.