“And you’re my friend, Kade,” Feng said, grinning again. “First one I ever chose for myself!”

Kade smiled at that, turned his head, and took Feng’s hand.

“Thank you.”

“Hey, don’t get all mushy now!” Feng joked. “I just don’t have so many friends I can lose them, is all.” But it was long moments before he let go.

“Why’d that monk sell you out?” Feng eventually asked Kade.

Kade shook his head again. “I’ve upset the order of things. It used to be that only the most experienced meditators could master Nexus and keep it in their minds indefinitely. But now anyone can permanently integrate it. And the young monks pick up Nexus 5 faster than the old ones. They don’t need the old ones as teachers. I’ve undermined their authority, inverted the hierarchy.”

“Fuck hierarchy,” Feng said.

Kade laughed aloud. It felt good to hear it. Feng smiled in return.

“Aren’t you a soldier, Feng? You grew up with hierarchy.”

Feng was the one to look away this time, his thoughts far away.

“Yeah. Never liked it.”

“Tell me,” Kade said. “What it was like.”

Feng watched a palm frond sway in the wind. Kade had asked before. Feng knew his friend meant well, but it wasn’t something he wanted to go back to.

“Please,” Kade said.

Feng sighed. It had been a rough few days. Kade needed something. Needed some perspective. Needed some hope. He leaned back.

“My first memory was pain.” Feng spoke quietly, but he opened his mind, let Kade feel it, let him remember it with him.

“I was four, maybe. Big. Strong. They engineer us to grow up fast. But not so much mind, yeah? Get big and strong fast, but smart just as slow.

“I was doing rings, yeah? Swinging one to the next, like a monkey.”

“Then I fell. No mat. No net. Just ground. It hurt. Bloody knee. Nothing bad, but I was four. Just knew it hurt.” He shook his head, and Kade felt it coming, the real pain.

“Instructor comes over, and he says, ‘Get up!’ And I say ‘It hurts!’ So he kicks me across the field. And now I’m screaming. And all my brothers. They all stop. Staring at me.”

Feng’s fists were clenched. He was that little boy again. Kade felt his stomach knotting up. Felt the pain and fear and incomprehension.

“Instructor walks over, and he says, ‘Get up!’ And I’m crying, cuz it hurts. Hurts real bad now. And I say ‘Can’t! It hurts!’ and he says ‘I’ll show you what hurts!’ and he kicks me again.”

Kade felt sick to his stomach. His face was hot.