I tried not to smile. Clearly, Marino did not think any of this was amusing.

“They’re not simple anymore.”

“Simple?”

“Yeah, like Doris. What we had wasn’t complicated.

Then after thirty years she suddenly splits and I have to start over. I go to this friggin’ dance at the FOP because some of the guys talk me into it. I’m minding my own business when Tanda comes up to my table. Two beers later, she asks me for my phone number, if you can believe that.”

“Did you give it to her?”

“I say, ‘Hey, if you want to get together, you give me your number. I’ll do the calling.’

She asks me which zoo I escaped from, then invites me bowling. That’s how it started. How it ended is her telling me she rear-ended somebody a couple weeks back and was charged with reckless driving. She wanted me to fix it.”

“I’m sorry.”

I fetched his present from under the tree and handed it to him. “I don’t know if this will help your social life or not.”

He unwrapped a pair of Christmas-red suspenders and compatible silk tie.

“That’s mighty nice, Doc. Geez.”

Getting up, he muttered in disgust, “Damn water pills,” and headed to the bathroom again. Several minutes later, he returned to the hearth.

“When was your last checkup?”

I asked.

“A couple weeks ago.”

“And?”

“And what do you think?” he said.

“You have high blood pressure, that’s what I think.”

“No shit.”

“What, specifically, did your doctor tell you?”

I asked.

“It’s one-fifty over one-ten, and my damn prostate’s enlarged. So I’m taking these water pills. Up and down all the time feeling like I gotta go and half the time I can’t. If things don’t get better, he says he’s gonna turp me.”

A turp was a transurethral resection of the prostate. That wasn’t serious, though it wasn’t much fun. Marino’s blood pressure worried me. He was a prime candidate for a stroke or a heart attack.

“Plus, my ankles swell,” he went on. “My feet hurt and I get these damn headaches. I’ve gotta quit smoking, give up coffee, lose forty pounds, cut down on stress.”

“Yes, you’ve got to do all of those things,” I said firmly. “And it doesn’t look to me like you’re doing any of them.”

“We’re only talking about changing my whole life. And you’re one to talk.”

“I don’t have high blood pressure and I quit smoking exactly two months and five days ago. Not to mention, if I lost forty pounds I wouldn’t be here.”

He glared into the fire.

“Listen,” I said. “Why don’t we work on this together? We’ll both cut back on coffee and get into exercise routines.”

“I can just see you doing aerobics,” he said sourly.