My friend shifts in her seat, moving to sit cross-legged in her chair. It’s how I know she’s getting real. ‘I did, babe. I saw every bit of it, trust me.’

‘And,’ I forge on, ‘isn’t it right of me to be pissed at him? For making me think there was some hope for us, and then just up and heading out for years? You’d be pissed, wouldn’t you?’

‘That’s the thing, my lovely May.’ Jordan smiles wryly. ‘I’d definitely be pissed. But eventually, you have to look at it this way. He might not be all that different from you.’

‘Different from me? I’m not the one who—’

‘Who left, I know,’ Jordan finishes with a helping of stink eye. ‘I’ve heard it, girl. My point is, yes, he left without saying anything.’

‘Just some mom’s strawberries bullshit.’

‘Yeah. That. Which, I agree, worked against him, in any case.’ She rolls her eyes before clasping her hands and placing them in her lap intently. ‘But what if Colt was runnin’ scared? What if he was scared because he didn’t know what the future held, and he thought not saying anything was better than saying something and taking the gamble? And then, what if he’s still scared?’

Oh.

‘That’ – I pick up my jar and take a great big swig of sweet tea – ‘sounds delusional.’

It does not, actually, sound delusional. It sounds remarkably similar to some of the things I allowed myself to think for a fleeting second before I pushed them away because, for my own sake, I had to move on.

‘I’m afraid it’s the explanation that makes the most sense to me.’

‘It sounds like we’re excusing his behaviour.’

‘It might.’ Jordan fiddles with the straw in her jar, still holding her therapist expression. ‘But it also sounds like we’re growing up. May, for God’s sake, he made you a lacrosse field. He’s definitely trying to mend something. Not just the relationship between the two of you, but I think he’s also trying to mend his sense of self. As an adult.’

An adult. In my mind, I’ve always thought of him as someone who ran away and put more than a couple of kinks in my story. I forget to think of him as himself.

‘Give yourself space to hate the guy,’ Jordan finishes. ‘Just don’t forget to give him space to grow.’

She leans back in her chair and finishes off her sweet tea, satisfied. I feel like I can barely touch mine any more. Not with the thoughts running around my brain screaming the way they are.