‘And if this source of feeling bad about yourself was reduced or removed, do you think the other things that are causing you difficulties would be made easier?’

‘That’s one of those questions that provokes only one answer,’ Tony said, an edge of annoyance in his voice.

‘And that may well be why you need to ask it.’ Jacob sighed. He closed his notebook and put it on the floor next to him, pen aligned with the end. ‘Tony, I’ve been your supervisor for many years. I like to think I have formed a good idea of how you function. I know you have made an accommodation with aspects of your personality that many people would find problematic. I also know you want to move forward in your practice and in your personal life. For a long time, Carol Jordan has been the centre of your emotional life. At times, she has appeared to be the only component of your emotional life. Would that be a fair assessment?’

Tony’s shoulders were tightening involuntarily. He had an uneasy sensation in his stomach. Jacob had never spoken to him in these terms. He’d probably never actually said so much in the whole of a session before. ‘I do have other friendships,’ he said, hearing his own defensiveness. And who were those other friends, when the chips were down? Paula? Alvin Ambrose? Cops who had been colleagues and had grown into more than that. But not the kind of friends most people had. Nobody he went to the football with. Nobody he was on a pub quiz team with. Nobody he’d kept up with from his student days. Nobody he went hillwalking with. Not even anybody he regularly gamed with online.

‘The only one you’ve been bringing into this room for years is Carol.’

‘You think it’s going nowhere, don’t you? You think it’s holding me back? Trapping me in the same place?’

Jacob breathed heavily and pushed his gold-rimmed glasses up to the bridge of his nose in a rare moment of fidgeting. ‘It’s not what I think that matters. But we both know there is significance in you even asking those questions in those terms.’

Tony’s expression was bleak, his eyes blank. ‘In so far as I’ve ever loved anyone, I love Carol.’ Even to say it was a wrench, like something twisting in his gut.

‘What would happen if you let that feeling go?’

He shook his head. ‘You don’t just let feelings go.’