Her dad had taught her to fish when she was a tiny child. Something she learned that was a part of her now. Muscle memory. Same with horse riding. Same with shooting a gun.

If she’d had a mother, would putting on makeup have been second nature? Would all that have been her secondary skill set? Baking pies, making biscuits.

She would never know.

She sighed heavily.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” As soon as she said the word, she wished she hadn’t. She’d spent her life not sharing. Holding it all in. She’d never had to do that with Gabe, and she didn’t have to do it now. The realization made her feel like a small weight had been lifted from her heart. She didn’t have to pretend to answer. She could answer. “Except...the really hard part about losing a parent you don’t even remember is that you wonder all the time. What would your life have been like? Who would you have been? That’s what I wonder. And I didn’t let myself wonder it for a long time. I didn’t even let myself think I might want any of the things my mom might have been able to give me.”

She reeled her line in, then cast out to the center of the lake again. “I know all the things my dad taught me,” she continued softly. “But what would she have taught me? All of us, really. What would have been important to her to have us know? And who else might I have become? Amelia will probably wonder that. She will probably wish that she knew what his voice sounded like. That she could just once know what it was like to be held in his arms. People talk about that. A mother’s love. A mother’s touch. What it’s like to be cradled by your mom when you fall down and get hurt. I don’t know what it feels like. I don’t know... I don’t know what that kind of love feels like. And sometimes I wonder if it means I’m missing something. If I have a hole that can never be filled by anything else.”

She turned away from him, and her pole jerked. She yanked up hard, making sure the hook took purchase, before beginning to bring the fish in.

“Fish on,” she said as her pole wiggled and resisted against her emotions. She brought him in, a tiny rainbow trout that was barely legal. She dispatched him quickly, and cast her line back out. Before long she and Gabe had caught the daily limit, enough to have themselves more than a decent supper. And some breakfast. They worked in silence, cleaning the fish, and then Gabe got the fire started, and they began to panfry the trout and the rice. Jamie left the cooking to him while she put the salad together and wrapped the rolls in tinfoil, placing them next to the coals to get them warmed up.

When it was done they sat together, eating what Jamie thought might be the best damned birthday dinner on the face of the planet.