‘You’d better watch yourself, mate.’

‘Watch YOU make a FOOL OF YOURSELF, you mean.’

‘Move this somewhere quieter!’ Carly backed up Bridge, pointing at the furthest end of the orchard behind the younger trees, amazed to see the two men doing as they were told, walking sideways like huge, fierce crabs so they could keep goading each other.

Hurriedly calling over Turner teens to keep an eye on the children, Carly followed with Bridge.

‘You don’t want to cross me, mate,’ Ash was snarling.

‘Says who?’

‘The last one to cross me.’

‘Cross me and you won’t be talking for a long time.’

Grabbing Carly’s hand, Bridge breathed, ‘It’s like a bad fecking episode of EastEnders.’

‘I was thinking Terminator.’

‘How do we stop them?’

‘I’ve no idea.’

In a clearing, their husbands were ratcheting up the rhetoric, two fighting cocks pecking and scratching their way towards an inevitable feather-flying death match. A small crowd including Auriol had come across with them to follow the action.

‘You’ll regret this.’

‘Not as much as you.’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Dream on.’

Bridge held Carly’s hand tighter. ‘Where do they learn that shit?’

‘They’re almost there,’ she realised anxiously. ‘Ash will throw a punch soon.’

‘Do they even know what they’re arguing about?’

‘Us.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Me too.’

They hugged tightly. At that moment, Ash got the green light he’d been looking for all week as his adversary pulled off his woolly hat, crossed his huge arms and demanded, ‘You want to FIGHT?’

As they drew back fists, an upright figure in a camel-hair coat stepped between them. ‘Now, now, boys, we’re not the Very Angry Ladybird, are we?’

‘Oh shit!’ Carly rushed forwards.

But Bridge was quicker. Realising her new boss was about to get crushed, she hurled herself through the air to rugby tackle Auriol to safety. Brushing her down afterwards, she turned back to pull in Carly beside her. ‘Ladies, we need to be more strategic. I’ll go first. I did Taekwondo for ten years.’

The husbands were in a body lock, each trying to wrestle the other to the ground, both grunting and swearing furiously.

‘Stop now or I’m going to kick you!’ Bridge threatened.

‘Scary stuff,’ Flynn chuckled behind them.

She growled furiously, lowering her centre of balance, adopting a martial art pose.

‘Keep out of this, kochanie.’ Aleš landed a fist in Ash’s ribs.

‘I won’t warn you again!’

‘Fuck off, darling,’ Ash dismissed, cracking his elbow into Aleš’s eye socket.

‘Ew!’ Bridge and Carly looked away, unable to watch.

There was a loud whack as Aleš head-butted Ash.

Carly looked again, catching Ash uppercut the Pole’s big bearded chin with an audible crack.

‘I will fucking kill you!’

‘Right, that’s it. Heeaagh!’ Bridge spun, one leg high as a ballet dancer, heel smacking hard across the back of her husband’s neck. He went down like a felled tree. Swinging again, she angled her foot at the critical last moment to clout Ash on the jaw.

‘Fuck! That hurt!’ He reached up and stroked it.