*

‘Take another picture, Mummy!’ Kes hugged his new BBF again, striking a pose. ‘Gronny!’

Pax waited as he waved his grandmother back into shot from the end of the lead rope, then captured them on her phone, grateful that poor Internet and a bad marriage meant she’d always shunned Instagram, the picture of privileged indulgence briefly flashing on screen. If Kes had thought Ronnie was the best thing ever before the Shetland arrived, now that she’d found him a pony to ride on, that love was unconditional and carved in stone.

The Shetland was adorable, she had to admit. Berry-eyed, bargy and infinitely bribable, he was a grey-and-mud force of nature, bursting with greed and small-man syndrome. It was obvious that he lived for food, attention and, above all, hero-worship, instantly luxuriating in the love of a five-year-old boy. As soon as he and Kes body-slammed, nuzzled, mutually scratched and hung out, it was also clear that this was going to be all-out devotion.

‘A match made in heaven!’ Ronnie concluded, posing with Kes and the Shetland for her writer friend from the village who had led the pony across the fields, and who was dressed incredibly glamorously for the task, Pax thought. ‘Aren’t they just adorable?’

Pax remained cautious, aware that the pony had another job to do, and uncertain the threesome would prove a safe one, her worries compounded when the yard’s trickiest stallion was introduced to his new companion on the cobbled yard.

To begin with, it was picture perfect as they touched noses, Ronnie’s friend taking more pictures before waving a cheery farewell to head back across the fields.

Then, with an ear-piercing squeal, the Shetland flattened his tiny tufty ears and swung his head to nip Beck on the shoulder. Pax drew Kes into the safety of an empty stable as Beck flew straight up on his hind legs, landing back on the cobbles with a fierce roar, shaking and striking out at the unimpressed hairy Gael, who skipped round and cracked a double-barrel kick against his cannons. Luca only just hung on as the stallion ran backwards and went up on his hind legs again, eyes white-rimmed, convinced the interloper had to be a big cat in disguise.

‘Let’s put them out together for a bit!’ Ronnie ordered, marching the Shetland towards the side arch.

Pax heard Luca objecting that it was too soon, but Ronnie took no notice.

‘What’s that thing, Mummy?’ Kes pointed at Beck’s huge erection flapping around beneath his belly as he was led dancing past.

‘His willy,’ she said, catching Luca glancing across at her and wishing she’d used a more technical term.

‘Does he need a wee-wee? Can we go and watch?’ He was already scrabbling back out through the door. Pax followed, praying she wouldn’t have to explain away attempted sodomy on a Shetland.

But Beck was far too frightened for rape and pillage. Huge and light-footed, skin quivering, eyes bulging, the grey was soon backing around the smallest of the high-hedged stallion paddocks while the hairy new arrival charged about looking for something to eat.