‘Isn’t Luca his groomio, ha ha?’

‘Your Shetland’s not doing a lot at the moment is he?’

When Petra heard what Ronnie was asking, she laughed. ‘He’s an absolute devil, you do know that? He’ll corrupt that stallion completely. He thinks he’s Goliath. And he is very special.’

‘We’ll take tremendous care of him.’

‘And he’ll get ridden, you say?’

‘Kes is super keen.’ He would be as soon as she told him.

‘He’d love that. He misses having a special person. I tell you what, he’s all yours if you give me some good sex.’

Ronnie racked her mind, thinking back to the heady days of the late seventies before marriage, Aids and a replacement hip. ‘Okay, this happened in a horsebox rather than a stable, but you could adapt it: wrists tied to the hay rack by leather reins, mouth silenced with bandage tape. The biggest cock I’d ever seen in my life.’

‘Hmm, I can’t see Sean O’Shaughnessy tying a woman up.’

‘I wasn’t the one tied up.’

‘I don’t want Sean gimped.’

‘This man won Badminton the next day. He’s a national treasure. Still commentates today.’

‘Just no.’

‘All right; how about your lovers climb up into the stable eaves. He lies along the big tie beam holding the ones to either side for balance while she straddles him, riding on top, stockinged legs dangling back down into the stall. It’s thrillingly mid-air – very Greatest Showman – and the horse can stay in the scene throughout.’

‘God, you’re a genius. You actually did that?’

‘A neighbour. When I lived in Cumbria, I was throwing a drinks party and popped out to check the horses. Went in to straighten a rug, looked up and saw her in her finest cocktail dress going at it with the local poultry farmer. A bronze turkey was left on my doorstep every Christmas after that.’

‘I love you!’ Petra rang off.

Spotting Pax’s silly Italian car come whining up the drive, Ronnie hurried back down to the yard. As her dogs rushed ahead, barking their heads off, she realised Luca was at the wheel in a fetching pink hat. That was a turn-up for the books.

But far better than that was the small, dark-haired person on the back seat clutching a tartan rabbit. ‘Keeeeeeeesteeeeer!’ she hurtled under the archway. He waved back furiously as the car came to a halt.

‘Where have you lot been?’ Ronnie demanded.

‘Sorry!’ Luca was already out of the driver’s door, whipping off the hat.

‘All my fault.’ Pax spilled out the other side and hurried back to open Kes’s door.

Ronnie’s mood brightened further, noting that both looked interestingly furtive, opening their mouths to explain at the same time:

‘I offered to—’

‘I asked Luca to—’

‘Oh, it really doesn’t matter.’ She waved it away, scooping up Kes in a hug instead. ‘Now, tell Gronny all about your day.’

‘Want to see the horses!’ Kes shouted.

‘You are so right. Horses are much better boring old news.’