“I wish I could, but that ship has sailed. I’ve brought down a copper, and no matter how he deserved it, that won’t be forgotten by the men on the ground, still less the ones in charge. Six years of my life, my father—well. It’s over, and that’s all there is to it.”

“I’m sorry. Or, I’m not sorry you’ve left, but I wish it had been on your terms.”

Aaron held on for a moment longer, then loosened his grip and stepped back a little so he could see Joel’s face. “We got Colthorne, though, and, as a philosopher once told me, you should take your wins where you can. So here we are, and now I need to reconsider a lot of things about my life.”

“Such as what?”

“Such as how you can stay in it,” Aaron said. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, how you were tired of living with things. I’ve been doing that too, and only barely at that. I haven’t felt like a person for so long, and then you came along with your ridiculous talent and your appalling attitude and your hair. And—Christ, Joel. I spent three hours lying on the floor thinking I was going to die tonight, and I realised that you were what I’d miss. I was terrified at the evenings I wouldn’t have with you, the meals we wouldn’t eat together, the things we wouldn’t see. It was unbearable. I want those things. Can we have them?”

“Excuse me,” Joel said. “I had to whistle up a lot of coppers and get from King’s Cross to Lisson Grove with your bloody letter screaming at me, not knowing if we’d be in time, and you think you were terrified? And I had a breakdown in Angelo’s while I waited, but he was very nice about it. So yes, let’s have meals and evenings, and also nights and breakfasts and everything else. Because I’m sodding sick of losing things, and I’m not losing you if I can help it.”

“No, you’re not,” Aaron said hoarsely, and kissed him.

A short but intense period later, they ended up on the sofa, Aaron finger-combing Joel’s hair, barely believing that they were together, touching. It felt like relief from a pain that had lasted so long, he didn’t know what it was like not to feel it.

“You did all this,” he said softly. “You changed everything. I’m so damned lucky I met you.”

“You should thank your cousin Paul,” Joel said. “Or maybe not. I don’t know if you saw the papers?”

“You throwing him to the wolves? I did. Good work.”

“I’d say it was an unfortunate necessity, but actually I enjoyed every minute of it.”

“God bless you. Will you stay tonight?”

Joel looked up, ochre eyes wide. “Can I?”