“You’re headline news again, kiddo. Conference Chronicle has thrust you into the white-hot glare of notoriety yet once more,” Dick said. “Joking apart, Lindsay, you’re gonnae have to keep your bunnet below the parapet on this one.”

“God, how you journos love talking up a good story,” Lindsay complained, only too aware of her own hypocrisy. “C’mon, give it to me straight. Just read the words, Dick. I can pick the tune up for myself.”

“Okay, you asked for it. Here we go. Headline first, ‘See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil. The burning question today is why Lindsay Gordon isn’t telling the whole story about Tom Jack’s death, a death, incidentally, which the police are still showing a remarkable reluctance to call murder.

“ ‘In a spectacular editorial coup, Conference Chronicle can reveal exclusively that Gay Gordon not only knows it was murder, but she also saw the only person who could have committed the horrific crime leaving the scene.

“ ‘Everyone should be asking why Gay Gordon is protecting AMWU’s Broadcasting Officer and Special Branch plant Laura Craig. Our sources tell us that Gordon saw the lovely Laura sweeping out of the murder room only moments after Union Jack had done his spectacular shuffling off of the mortal coil. Yet Gay Gordon has kept her mouth tightly clamped shut about their close encounter, even after a night’s interrogation in South Yorkshire police cells.

“ ‘Maybe the answer is simple. Maybe Gay Gordon is the person that Laura is stripping off her expensive designer wardrobe for these days. And of course Gay Gordon’s gynecologist girlfriend isn’t going to be overwhelmed to discover that the reward for her loyalty is that Gay Gordon has been bonking her brains out with someone as politically incorrect as the lovely Laura. It also explains how Union Jack and his killer got into Gay Gordon’s room in the first place.

“ ‘Or maybe it’s just that Lindsay Gordon hated Union Jack and all he stood for so much that she thinks it’s right to keep quiet about his murderer. After all, how could she drop a sister under the skin in deep shit for getting rid of a sexist pig like Tom Jack? Not very PC at all.

“ ‘Either way, it’s time Lindsay Gordon started telling the truth about what she really knows, instead of running round the country playing at detectives. Incidentally, is the police’s reluctance to call Jack’s death murder anything to do with Laura’s SB connections? We think we should be told.’ And that, for what it’s worth, is it,” Dick concluded. “You can imagine, the place is in uproar, with Laura Craig heading the lynch mob.”