My actual condition almost seems to suggest that there was an attempt to render me as helpless as possible, by placing me in a state where each experience was perceived in and of itself, without reference to past encounters. Thus each time the surprise was total.

Running through my memories there is a consistent flavor of intense terror. But is it only my terror. the terror of the body, biological terror.

There may be things about contact between beings formed in different biospheres that we do not understand at all. Perhaps they feel some instinctive emotion, too. I have the impression that these experiences are very intense for them, if not actually frightening.

If the terror is an unavoidable side effect of our biology, then the amnesia can be seen not only as an act of self-protection but as one of kindness also.

Assuming the correctness of my perceptions, this book then becomes a chronicle not only of my discovery of a visitor's presence in the world but also one of how I have learned to fear them less.

I look out my window. It is a warm afternoon, cloudy and thunderous, an afternoon of early spring. People go back and forth beneath umbrellas, their feet slashing in puddles. A helicopter sails across the sky, a jet angles toward La Guardia.

It's all so normal, so home. But what else was that in the sky — a flash of silver light, or something reflecting on my glasses?

The Image

The morning after the hypnotic session covering my experience with the fogbank (March 11, 1986) I awoke not only feeling as if I had been beaten up during the night, I was aware of something new in my mind.

At first the exact nature of this new manifestation was not clear to me. I was oppressed by it; there was an acute impression of being watched. Then I began to realize why: I was being watched — there was a face staring directly at me, the grave, implacable, subtly humorous face I had come to recognize from hypnosis.

A vivid image of her had emerged in my mind. It was so real I could almost touch it. This was disturbing and I was eager to expel it, assuming it to be a side effect of the hypnotic session, occurring because Dr. Klein had asked for so many details about her appearance.

It was so extraordinarily clear. I was in a panic. I couldn't live with this image perpetually reminding me of the visitors' enigmatic presence in my life.

I went into my office and sat on the floor, going deed into a state of meditation. I drew my concentration to my body, directing my attention to my physical center of gravity just below the navel, and away from my racing mind.