I rested into that place I’d once fit, into that space I still settled, and exhaled into his warm cotton shirt. Then, to the music of bay water splashing against the dock’s pilings, we stood next to the Summer House, under the open sky, until I let go and walked inside alone.

Excerpt from Lillian Ashford Eddington’s Journal
New Year’s Eve 1962
Twenty-two Years Old

And I loved her. The baby. I loved her that fast. I knew it was a girl. I knew I loved her. The other stuff wasn’t so easy, but that was.

I don’t remember leaving Mrs. Prinkle’s office or driving to Mama’s house. But I did. And I told Mama and Daddy before I told Redmond. Mama cried. Daddy stared out the dining room windows as if someone might walk up the front walkway and take me away so he wouldn’t have to hear me tell him what he hoped I’d never tell him. Mama finished crying pretty quickly and called the Eddington family.

That was the most terrible part because I wanted to be the one to tell Redmond. Maybe I should have thought it out, planned it better. Maybe I should have gone to his house first, but with something like this—you want your Mama first. You just do.

When he came to the house he was the same color as the white painted pillars on the front porch, but the weird part was that he was smiling. He didn’t say a word when I opened the door and neither did I. Our parents had done the talking. What needed to be known was already known. He hugged me and held me so tight I was afraid he was hurting the child I already loved. “I love you,” he said. I felt him shaking all over, and then he added that he’d loved me since the moment he saw me and that we were going to be okay. Yes, we were.

There was of course a wonderful relief in this knowing that he loved me, that he wanted me, that this was not a life-ruining thing for him. But I wish I could say it was more than a relief, that it was a joy or love or something like that. But it was just a nice, calm relief for me. I would be okay. He loved me. He wanted this and us. And that was enough.

I hope it will always be enough.

We married quickly in the small chapel behind St. Michael’s Cathedral. It is amazing that Mama could do in four weeks what takes most mothers six months. There were whispers. I don’t care. I don’t.

Ellie is here. Safe. Beautiful. And it was enough.