Chapters (39)
‘Did something happen?’ They are in Matthew’s bedroom where Jake is painting the walls a bright green. Leah has brought in pints of iced water, and she holds hers against her cheek. ‘With Jenna,’ she nudges him. ‘You seemed tense afterwards.’
He drains his glass, puts it on the floor next to him, says nothing.
Sometimes Leah finds it hard to navigate Jake’s moods. When they had first met, he seemed exuberant, permanently riding along on a wave of optimism. But in these past weeks, since they have moved in together, she has noticed a change in him. A circumspection, a pensive dissociation, that she finds difficult to penetrate.
After a moment, he puts the paint-roller down on the tray, sighs and raises his face to meet her gaze. Something troubled and wary lies behind his expression.
‘She wants to move back to Aberdeen, to her parents. She says she’s going to take Matthew with her.’
He scratches his head, and she feels a surge of protective love go through her at his obvious distress and confusion. She wants to go to him, offer comfort and reassurance, but anxiety holds her back. That side of his life is threaded with complications, too delicate and strained for her to pull at. Whenever Leah broaches the subject of Jenna, which is not often, she feels the enormous distance opening between her and Jake. An insurmountable wall.
‘Is she serious?’
He shrugs in response, not meeting her eye.
‘Why does she want to leave?’
‘Come on. You’ve seen where they live. Would you want to raise your kid there?’ He catches her eye now and there’s something dry in his look, hardness in his words, that makes her draw back a little.
‘Those little shits on their bikes, like a pack of fucking baby wolves. Another couple of years and they’re the kids he’s going to be hanging out with. These are the gangs he’ll be joining. And school’s no better. The same mindless thugs. The same slack-jawed indifference to anything as nerdy as education. If he stays there, he doesn’t stand a chance.’
He picks up his paint-roller to resume his labour, then changes his mind. Half-heartedly, he tells her: ‘If she takes him to Aberdeen, he’ll have a decent home with her parents, some stability, go to a good school.’
She considers this for a moment, weighing her words carefully. ‘And what about you?’
‘I’d visit, of course. Jenna says I could come whenever I want, stay with them and her folks,’ he says unhappily. Adding, without much conviction: ‘And with technology, I guess it’s easier now than it was. We can FaceTime, or whatever.’
‘I suppose it’s worth considering as an option,’ she says.